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September 11, 2001

My three children were not born on September 11, 2001.  They were not even conceived or though of.  In fact, I had not even met their father.  That would be a year or so away.

I was a stockbroker in a large firm on my phone with the trading desk, placing an order, calculating my commission, wondering if it was enough to buy that new Kate Spade purse I wanted.  The trader on Wall Street took my order and then called back a few minutes later.  “There is some craziness here.  Something has hit the World Trade Center building.”

September 11, 2001 [Read more...]

I Am Not as Strong As You Think I Am

It is possible that I am typing this post with tears in my eyes. Frustrated, tired, at the end of my rope tears. Not because anything in particular is wrong. Not because I have any real complaints in life. But because I get up everyday thinking I can do it, I can handle it and I can succeed at everything my life entails. But I go to bed every night feeling like I did not do enough, I did not accomplish enough and that I need 15 more hours in the day just to make a dent. I feel like I let everyone down. From my kids to my clients to my dogs to myself. The worst part is, I think people have this image of me as this strong woman who plows through life without fear and with confidence. But the truth is, I am not as Strong as you think I am.

I Am Not as Strong As You Think I Am [Read more...]

Gun Control: A Mom’s Perspective

I realize that I am opening a whole can of worms with this post.  I don’t care.  But after Bob Costas made his opinion known on Sunday Night Football, I have had thoughts swirling through my head that I have to put down on paper.

I am for gun control and I am not for gun control.

How is that for clear?

Gun Control [Read more...]

Fallen Leaves

My daughters and I went on a walk the other day.  A walk we all needed, having tired of the routine of our days during the holidays.  The weather was warm and balmy like most Texas afternoons.  We were expecting colder weather over the next few days, so I wanted to stay out as long as I could.

Katie and Sarah hopped on their bikes and I put Megan in her push car.  Off we went, rolling over fallen leaves, twigs, and dirt piles left by rain earlier in the week.

I kept up with my bike riders, reminding them to look both ways before crossing the street, and listened to Megan squeal and screech from her chauffeured ride.  “Come on Sarah, let’s go faster!”  “OK Katie, I go fastew!”

fallen leaves [Read more...]

Debunking 5 Myths About the Chicken Industry #Tyson

*I traveled to Tyson Headquarters as an invited guest. All opinions are my own and no content was required in exchange for the trip. The post was not reviewed prior to posting.**

#Tyson

Last week I got to do something that I was seriously hesitant about. But I am so glad I did it and came out with a knowledge I think few laypersons get to have. I got to visit a farm where 300,000 chickens are raised by a mom and pop business for the benefit of Tyson Foods. I also got to tour their state of the art Safety Lab, walk through a Cornish Hen factory and ask any question I wanted without worry that something would be off limits. In fact, the depth of details that they allowed me and two other bloggers to get into was truly impressive. If you know me at all, I was not shy. To help me aid in getting to the absolute truth about Tyson Foods, large corporations as a whole and the safety of the food that we put on our tables, I asked readers to ask questions too.

Debunking the Myths of the Chicken Industry #Tyson [Read more...]

I am Still a Good Mom Even if I Don’t Homeschool!

Every so often a heated debate happens on social media revolving around motherhood. Breastfeeding vs. not vs. where it is OK and where it is not flares up occasionally. Leaving kids in hot cars comes up every Summer, as it should. And other topics arise as we all stumble through motherhood. I am of the opinion that there is no bad motherhood decision if you are truly taking care of your kids and they are safe, happy and healthy. You can introduce all the studies in the world but I think any well meaning mom that treats her kids right is being the best mother she can.

I am not a bad mom because I don't homeschool [Read more...]

The Truth About Motherhood Regrets

Sometimes the hardest thing to deal with in life is the “what could have been’s”, ‘what should have been’s” and “what I should have done better.”

Regrets suck.

Especially when, by the time you realize your mistake, it is seemingly too late to turn back.  And then the regrets become a running tape in your head on auto loop.  Reminding you constantly that you messed up.  Or didn’t follow through.  Or didn’t take a chance.

motherhood regrets [Read more...]

A Dead Battery, Pouring Down Rain and Two Stranded Moms

Have you ever noticed that if things are going to go wrong it is going to go wrong on a day when you have to get on a plane, get the grocery shopping done and pack?  And with your mother watching your every ridiculous move?

No?

Must just be me.

We’ll start at the beginning.  Two weeks ago on a Saturday I bought  a Suburban.  It is beautiful and fantastic and I am thrilled to have it.  A week after my purchase I go out to start it and it won’t start.  I assume that my kids, forever being told to stop playing in my car, left something on that drained the battery.  A dome light or something like that.

Two Stranded Moms [Read more...]

‘The Best Mom in the World’

My kids tell me I’m the best mom in the world.  And every time I hear it, I am overwhelmed with joy that they feel that way.

And then I feel bad.  Because I know that sometimes I am not.

Sometimes I am too busy to stop everything and read countless books, them curled in my lap, sweet heads resting on my chest, pages flipping as I snuggle and try to get all three within my arm span.

The Best Mom [Read more...]

How to Raise Children with a Purpose

Lately I have been giving a lot of thought to how I am raising my children.  Not so much the teaching of good manners, being kind and tolerant to others (needed this Election season for sure), and the proper way to brush their teeth.  But to raise children to understand their purpose in life, their calling and their dreams.

Especially when I can not even define my own.

How to Raise Children with a Purpose [Read more...]

The Day I Met My Birth Brothers

At the age of 6, I was taken from my birth family, sent to many foster homes and then adopted by my amazing parents at the age of 8. All 8 siblings were taken by the State of Texas because of the severely abusive situation, the immense poverty we lived in and a mom with a mental illness that was detrimental to us all. I left behind 6 brothers and a sister, a mom, a dad and a dog names Brown. Having been a frequent visitor my entire life to foster homes, I did not grasp that this would be the last time I would be a permanent part of my birth family. But it was. I was adopted and lost contact with almost everyone.

The Day I Met My Birth Brothers [Read more...]

‘No One Can Do It Better Than I Can’: The Motherhood Curse

No one can take care of my children better than I can.

No they can’t.

No they can’t!

NO THEY CAN’T!

motherhood curse

OK, yes they can but I will not admit it, concede to it or acknowledge it no matter how rational your argument is!

OK Fiiinnnneeeeeee…..

I admit it. Begrudgingly and with a pouty face that makes my 4 year old’s look mature. Maybe, and this is a very slight maybe, there are other people on this planet that might be able to sort of, kind of, possibly take care of my kids as well as I can.

Hmph.

The truth is there are probably many people on the planet – if you search really hard in all the dark crevices – that can care for my children as well as I can. Some may even be able to do it better than I. But the curse of motherhood is that a lot of us feel like there is no one else that really can.

I had a very interesting conversation with a friend the other day. My side was complaining about my ex and his girlfriend who I always hear an earful about when my kids come back from her house. The kids have a very structured life here and – according to them, I am not making any of this up – there seems a little chaotic and they spend more time with her than with their dad, who they really want to be with. I always say that they should just listen to them and be respectful and that their dad loves them very much but under it all, I am judging and being possibly unfair to them.

Look at that emotional maturity I am displaying.

While ranting – possibly with biased, somewhat possessive viewpoints – my friend interrupts and says that they are doing what they are supposed to do and I just think that no one can care for my kids as well as I do.

The words halted my rant for a second while I absorbed them and I honestly admitted it was true. He was right, I DO suffer from the affliction. So much so that I take what my kids tell me and immediately turn it into a fault against the ex. I turn it into World War III with his girlfriend…. especially when they tell me she yells at them. But that is for another post.

I don’t know if motherhood simply comes with this ideal that we are the absolute when it comes to taking care of our kids. Maybe it comes from the 9 month lead up and knowing that we will always be the only person on the planet that has known our children the longest. Maybe it is from the physical evidence that we wear forever in the form of stretch marks, c-section scars or saggy boobs that remind us that we were the only source of life for these kids from the beginning. Maybe it is an inbred emotion that comes from historically being the only caregiver of our offspring for most of their lives.

Whatever it comes from, I am learning in single motherhood, that it is more my problem than anyone else’s.

You have NO IDEA how hard it was to type that sentence!

It is actually ironic, I think. When we have our kids and are caring for them, we tend to complain that we don’t have enough time alone and that no one ever helps us. We wish that spouses, parents, neighbors, the garbage man… ANYONE would step in and give us a break. Facebook is FULL of posts about moms who are at the brink of locking themselves in the closet with Haagen Dazs and bottle of Boone’s Strawberry Hill wine just to escape the ‘MOMMY’ that follows them around.

But handing them off to someone else comes with complaints too. The missing of the kids, the complaints that someone else let them have ice cream for breakfast (even though we have done it too) and the opinions about their actions with our kids take up the other part of Facebook.

It is a double edged sword, this affliction I have. I want my kids and I want to raise them the way I see fit. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. And if they are not with me, I want the right to judge and spout my opinion on how others are handling them. But I also want them to have a great relationship with their father. I want them to be able to experience new things and hear different viewpoints.

As long as I approve of them.

It is a true motherhood curse, this ‘No One Can Do It Better Than I Can’ curse. It allows me to pat myself on the back with out guilt and judge the actions of others with bias. But if I were a true adult and allowed myself to absorb it, I would humbly say that the curse is a fallacy that I invented in my own head to make myself more important than I probably need to be. It is what I tell myself that justifies blathering like an idiot to anyone who will listen that they make mistake with my kids just by breathing around them. It is my justification for acting like the spoiled brat of motherhood. That while no one will ever love and sacrifice for my beautiful girls like I have and do, it does not mean they can not be people that are doing the best they can in the circumstances they have created.

Lucky for us all… I am just not that honest yet.

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Guilt: A Mom’s Experience with Melatonin

I am an old fashioned type Mom, I guess.  My girls wear bloomers under their dresses, wear one pieces in the summer, don’t have pierced ears and I really want my girls to wait until 16 to date.  I don’t care of other little girls do these things, in fact, I think there is nothing cuter than a little toddler belly sticking out of a two piece.  I just am not comfortable with my girls doing it.  Blame it on my prudish upbringing or the fact that I am way behind the times in parenting, it is just how I am.

melatonin [Read more...]

My Big Fat Mommy Screw Up

Last night was the biggest mommy screw up of my mommyhood experience. And I have a LOT so you know it is huge!

You already know how exhausting our bedtime routine is. And if not, please feel free to catch up, shake your head, and send coffee after reading Bedtime Ain’t for Sissies.

So yesterday, after being up with Katie past 11pm, being up with her from 2- 3:30am, and then having her wake up at 7am, I decided she needed some serious sleep.  If only to save a day of major frustration dealing with a very tired child!

Scary TV Image [Read more...]

Bedtime Ain’t For Sissies

I just finished my 2.5 hour fight for bedtime.  I now can be alone for the first time since 7 am.

I am exhausted.

I did have an hour where I left the house in tears because I am so exhausted.  Tired of the not listening, the backtalk, the fighting, the whining and the constant need for something.

Bedtime is not for Sissies [Read more...]

Perfectly Imperfect

I make a lot of mistakes as a mom.  I make a lot of mistakes as a daughter, a sister, and a friend.  I admit it.  I can live with it.  Perfection is in the eye of the beholder anyway, isn’t it?

If I were perfect, I would be boring.  An auto reactive, decisively superior, gentile soul with all of the answers, none of the drama, and some of the adoration. So, I am… perfectly imperfect!

perfectly imperfect [Read more...]

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