1000x4purple

The Day I Met My Birth Brothers

At the age of 6, I was taken from my birth family, sent to many foster homes and then adopted by my amazing parents at the age of 8. All 8 siblings were taken by the State of Texas because of the severely abusive situation, the immense poverty we lived in and a mom with a mental illness that was detrimental to us all. I left behind 6 brothers and a sister, a mom, a dad and a dog names Brown. Having been a frequent visitor my entire life to foster homes, I did not grasp that this would be the last time I would be a permanent part of my birth family. But it was. I was adopted and lost contact with almost everyone.

The Day I Met My Birth Brothers [Read more...]

‘No One Can Do It Better Than I Can’: The Motherhood Curse

No one can take care of my children better than I can.

No they can’t.

No they can’t!

NO THEY CAN’T!

motherhood curse

OK, yes they can but I will not admit it, concede to it or acknowledge it no matter how rational your argument is!

OK Fiiinnnneeeeeee…..

I admit it. Begrudgingly and with a pouty face that makes my 4 year old’s look mature. Maybe, and this is a very slight maybe, there are other people on this planet that might be able to sort of, kind of, possibly take care of my kids as well as I can.

Hmph.

The truth is there are probably many people on the planet – if you search really hard in all the dark crevices – that can care for my children as well as I can. Some may even be able to do it better than I. But the curse of motherhood is that a lot of us feel like there is no one else that really can.

I had a very interesting conversation with a friend the other day. My side was complaining about my ex and his girlfriend who I always hear an earful about when my kids come back from her house. The kids have a very structured life here and – according to them, I am not making any of this up – there seems a little chaotic and they spend more time with her than with their dad, who they really want to be with. I always say that they should just listen to them and be respectful and that their dad loves them very much but under it all, I am judging and being possibly unfair to them.

Look at that emotional maturity I am displaying.

While ranting – possibly with biased, somewhat possessive viewpoints – my friend interrupts and says that they are doing what they are supposed to do and I just think that no one can care for my kids as well as I do.

The words halted my rant for a second while I absorbed them and I honestly admitted it was true. He was right, I DO suffer from the affliction. So much so that I take what my kids tell me and immediately turn it into a fault against the ex. I turn it into World War III with his girlfriend…. especially when they tell me she yells at them. But that is for another post.

I don’t know if motherhood simply comes with this ideal that we are the absolute when it comes to taking care of our kids. Maybe it comes from the 9 month lead up and knowing that we will always be the only person on the planet that has known our children the longest. Maybe it is from the physical evidence that we wear forever in the form of stretch marks, c-section scars or saggy boobs that remind us that we were the only source of life for these kids from the beginning. Maybe it is an inbred emotion that comes from historically being the only caregiver of our offspring for most of their lives.

Whatever it comes from, I am learning in single motherhood, that it is more my problem than anyone else’s.

You have NO IDEA how hard it was to type that sentence!

It is actually ironic, I think. When we have our kids and are caring for them, we tend to complain that we don’t have enough time alone and that no one ever helps us. We wish that spouses, parents, neighbors, the garbage man… ANYONE would step in and give us a break. Facebook is FULL of posts about moms who are at the brink of locking themselves in the closet with Haagen Dazs and bottle of Boone’s Strawberry Hill wine just to escape the ‘MOMMY’ that follows them around.

But handing them off to someone else comes with complaints too. The missing of the kids, the complaints that someone else let them have ice cream for breakfast (even though we have done it too) and the opinions about their actions with our kids take up the other part of Facebook.

It is a double edged sword, this affliction I have. I want my kids and I want to raise them the way I see fit. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. And if they are not with me, I want the right to judge and spout my opinion on how others are handling them. But I also want them to have a great relationship with their father. I want them to be able to experience new things and hear different viewpoints.

As long as I approve of them.

It is a true motherhood curse, this ‘No One Can Do It Better Than I Can’ curse. It allows me to pat myself on the back with out guilt and judge the actions of others with bias. But if I were a true adult and allowed myself to absorb it, I would humbly say that the curse is a fallacy that I invented in my own head to make myself more important than I probably need to be. It is what I tell myself that justifies blathering like an idiot to anyone who will listen that they make mistake with my kids just by breathing around them. It is my justification for acting like the spoiled brat of motherhood. That while no one will ever love and sacrifice for my beautiful girls like I have and do, it does not mean they can not be people that are doing the best they can in the circumstances they have created.

Lucky for us all… I am just not that honest yet.

join our daily email list

Guilt: A Mom’s Experience with Melatonin

I am an old fashioned type Mom, I guess.  My girls wear bloomers under their dresses, wear one pieces in the summer, don’t have pierced ears and I really want my girls to wait until 16 to date.  I don’t care of other little girls do these things, in fact, I think there is nothing cuter than a little toddler belly sticking out of a two piece.  I just am not comfortable with my girls doing it.  Blame it on my prudish upbringing or the fact that I am way behind the times in parenting, it is just how I am.

melatonin [Read more...]

My Big Fat Mommy Screw Up

Last night was the biggest mommy screw up of my mommyhood experience. And I have a LOT so you know it is huge!

You already know how exhausting our bedtime routine is. And if not, please feel free to catch up, shake your head, and send coffee after reading Bedtime Ain’t for Sissies.

So yesterday, after being up with Katie past 11pm, being up with her from 2- 3:30am, and then having her wake up at 7am, I decided she needed some serious sleep.  If only to save a day of major frustration dealing with a very tired child!

Scary TV Image [Read more...]

Bedtime Ain’t For Sissies

I just finished my 2.5 hour fight for bedtime.  I now can be alone for the first time since 7 am.

I am exhausted.

I did have an hour where I left the house in tears because I am so exhausted.  Tired of the not listening, the backtalk, the fighting, the whining and the constant need for something.

Bedtime is not for Sissies [Read more...]

Perfectly Imperfect

I make a lot of mistakes as a mom.  I make a lot of mistakes as a daughter, a sister, and a friend.  I admit it.  I can live with it.  Perfection is in the eye of the beholder anyway, isn’t it?

If I were perfect, I would be boring.  An auto reactive, decisively superior, gentile soul with all of the answers, none of the drama, and some of the adoration. So, I am… perfectly imperfect!

perfectly imperfect [Read more...]

The Grocery Shop of Horrors

Never again, as long as I live, will I take my three children anywhere on God’s green Earth without:

1)  Valium

2)  My CPS Auto Dial Number

3)  another person to video the disaster in the making so I can see how ridiculously I probably handled it.

grocery shop of horrors [Read more...]

10 Things I Never Thought I Would Say to My Children

I have three daughters, age 5 and under.  They have supplied me with laughter, tears, frustration, and other typical mothering advantages.  For a while now, I have been documenting things that I say throughout my days that just make me stop and shake my head or throw it back in laughter.  I have filtered them out and now present you with my Top 10 Things I Never Thought I Would Say to my Children!

10 things [Read more...]

Embracing My Inner Bad Parent

I am a not a square peg and I don’t fit into round holes.  Or maybe it is that I am now too round to fit into a square hole.  I don’t know.  But I am not your typical suburban housewife raising kids, barefoot in the kitchen!  In fact, I don’t think I fit into any category that people like to place someone in.

embracing my inner bad parent [Read more...]

Judging Me: The Perfect Mom Standard

I am a good mom.

A really good mom.

I make mistakes. I don’t get it all right and I am proudly not Carol Brady.

But my kids are loved, cared for and spoiled in the right ways on a daily basis.

judge me [Read more...]

A Single Mom, Three Kids & A Blog: Struggling to Balance it All

Back in October 2012, I met the most amazing woman on a Cruise on the Disney Magic.  Placed at the same table as we were both moms with children there on our own, we struck up a bond and a friendship that I cherish to this day.  Diana with Hormonal-Imbalances.com is a woman that deserves respect, love and admiration.  We should all be so lucky to know her.  Having lost twin boys just a short time before the cruise at the  20th week of her pregnancy, she had just been told that an adoption she thought was going through had stalled as well.  But as she sat with her  beautiful daughter, patient, loving and beaming with the pride of motherhood, you would not have been able to tell the trauma she had been through.  A blessed pregnancy followed the cruise and, though feeling ill, she is doing well with it and will have a second child this year {6/2/14 update: sadly she lost this little boy shortly after his birth}.  She asked that I write a guest post for her blog based on discussions we had on the about balancing it all and I am  honored.  So here is it.  My guest post on Hormonal-Imbalances.com.  Diana’s amazing blog!

***********************************************************************

I think that, as moms, we all want to do our absolute best at one thing: being a mom.  At least I do.  I want to be patient, attentive, creative, loving and amazing.  And I think I was… for the first few months of all of their lives.

And then life stepped in.  Three children in three years, a stressful move, the depression of money issues and finally, the divorce that was put into place that, truly, had been coming since the beginning.

And my perfectly imagined motherhood suddenly seemed unattainable.   I had other things to think about in order to take care of these children.  Bills to pay, a house to clean, homework to help with and the emotional stress of a bad marriage that they witnessed and the ugly divorce that followed.

balancing it all [Read more...]

Mommies Don’t Get Sick Days

I am sick.  I don’t know what I have.  Could be a bug, could be that the exhaustion of my schedule has caught up to me, could be that I have something else going on that I need to have diagnosed at a Doctor’s office.  I don’t really know.

All I know is that I am oh so tired, achy, feverish and on edge… more than normal.  I have been falling asleep in the afternoon – I never do that – and worried to even drive the car because I get dizzy and my eyes hurt.

mommies don't get sick days [Read more...]

Did You Ask Any Good Questions Today?

I was watching Master Class on Oprah’s new network, OWN, last night.  The featured guest was Diane Sawyer, a journalist I used to want to be like.  I always thought I would go into Journalism but picked Finance on the advice of a man I was dating at the time.  He said Journalism was too crowded, competitive, and almost never panned out.  I listen to him and to this day, wish I had not.

Did Your Kids Ask Any Good Questions Today? [Read more...]

How {Not} to Run Out Of Gas on a Friday and Other Dramatic Confessions: Day 1

Today has capped a weekend of craziness, drama and unexpected events that have my head spinning, my pocketbook shaking in fear and my desire to run screaming to the nearest Donut shop winning.  But instead of giving in and crawling into a corner with my Words for Friends and my favorite eBooks, I thought I’d share the lessons I have learned over the last four days.  One post at a time.

run out of gas [Read more...]

Her Last Friday of Kindergarten

This is not going to be one of those sappy, grab the Kleenex, posts about how incredibly shocked and sad I am that my oldest daughter just completed her very last full week of Kindergarten.  I won’t banish you to a trip down memory lane with recounts of the first time I let her off in the car line and watched her back, mostly shadowed with a Hello Kitty backpack that dwarfed her at the time, as she entered the school like a big girl. [Read more...]

‘From a Mom Whose Kids Are Grown’

The other day was one of those days where the moment my feet hit the ground, everything went wrong. Aside from my kids being up a few times the night before and the mommyhood exhaustion that has become my daily companion, a call with my attorney topped the morning with irritation. Who knew protecting one’s children involved so much red tape, hoops to jump through and money?

I mean, it is ridiculous… really. But, after the call, armed with options that I will begin the process of implementing, I find out that there is a major issue with a campaign I am working on. Now, as a blogger, there is nothing more frustrating than thinking something is understood and finding out that is it was not. Going back to people about anything is stressful to me and I try to avoid it by doing things right the first time. So my personal irritation was at a high.

From a Mom Whose Kids Are Grown

The day just floundered between intolerable and ‘when is bedtime’ as I went about my day, exhaustion always the constant reminder that I need to take care of me more. I got my girls from the bus stop and loaded them in the car for their weekly tumbling class.

I got another call about work while the girls were in class and added another stressful situation to the resume of the day. Aware that I am the only adult in my children’s lives that actually parent and protect them, I pushed aside the desire for an extra large margarita with a chaser of wine and took a deep breath.

Gathering my chattery, now hungry group from class, I decided to take my meager bank account and my little smiles with legs to dinner. I chose a restaurant with kids eat free night, Denny’s, so that I could at least save a little on the meal.

We slid into a booth and I immediately started the ‘Shh, other people are trying to eat!’ and ‘No, you may not eat the entire shaker of salt.’ out to dinner routine that I know so well. They made me laugh, made me smile and made me feel like this was all I should focus on. Even on bad days. But, I admit, I was counting the minutes to bedtime so I could curl up and sleep this day away.

As we were preparing to leave I pulled out my wallet to tell the waitress we needed our check. Just then, the hostess came over and handed me a piece of paper. She told me that my meal was taken care of by the woman who was sitting behind us. Truth be told, I had not sent the woman. I was too engrossed in my own table of little ones.

I sat stunned as the information sunk in and then read the note. Tears sprang to my eyes, my hand to my heart, my head not sure what was happening as I read. ‘I can’t believe she did that!’ was all I could say.

What is so incredibly amazing about this random act of amazing kindness that this woman bestowed on my girls and I is that my girls SAW it! All three immediately started talking about how we could repay this kindness to other people. They wanted me to buy the meals of the people still in the restaurant, they wanted me to post on Facebook that we needed to find the woman to say Thank You… they wanted to reenact what they just witnessed!

THAT gift. THAT action. THAT selflessness that affected my kids and the way they see amazing acts is the most touching gift the woman who ended the note, ‘From a mom whose kids are grown…’ could have given us.

Because on a day when I wanted to run away and hide from the problems I think are so big in my life, she showed me in one simple act that time moves on, people are kind and my faith in humanity is worth having.

How do you ever say Thank You for that?

When was the last time you did something amazing for someone else… or they did something for you? I would love to hear all about it!

join our email list

Web Statistics