A Six Hour Wait for a Bandage? Is This the State of American Healthcare Today?

February 5, 2013 By 9 Comments

I will admit, I have actually had to calm down before writing this post.  The event happened 24 hours ago and I am still reeling with the actual events that took place.  But, instead of writing in a ranting, irrational tone, I decided to drink some chocolate milk and calm down.

I think I am ready now.  Thank you for your patience.

Last night as I was slicing sausage to cook up for my girls, the oldest and the little one were playing school in the library and my middle daughter was asking me a million questions.  This is the usual state of the house in the evening and I love this time of day.  Sarah casually walked over to my desk and picked up a ruler I had borrowed from my neighbor.  I did not think much of it and went about my business with dinner and answering her questions.

Next thing I know, I hear the ruler drop and Sarah is holding her hand and blood is pooling at her feet.  And I am not exaggerating… literally pooling.  I looked down – and it still gives me the heebie jeebies to even type this – and see that the ruler had a metal strip and she clearly cut herself with it as it was now hanging awkwardly off the side of the ruler.

My hysterical mother started to emerge as I saw my 5 year old with blood dripping down her little hand and arm to the floor, splattering as each drop hit the pool collecting.  Buy my ‘I am who she needs to be calm, Mom‘ took over as I hurriedly walked to her and picked her up.  I wrapped a towel around it and the towel was soaked in a matter of seconds, it seemed.  I moved to paper towels trying to calm a scared child and as they were soaked one after another, I decided to call my neighbor.

She came over and, after about 10 minutes, we decided that we could not get the bleeding to slow no matter how much pressure we applied so a trip to the Pediatric Urgent Care Center was needed.  She – God Bless her – gathered my other two girls to go to her house and Sarah and I and a roll of paper towels headed to the Doctor.

Sarah was a trooper and held a paper towel to her finger the whole drive.  When we got there they saw us in about 30 minutes.  The wound was still bleeding profusely when we saw the Nurse and she said she thought it needed stitches but would need the Doctor to see.   The Doctor came in, took the towel off, noted the large amount of blood still and said that I needed to take her to the Pediatric ER – 45 minutes away – because the wound was extremely deep and she needed to be sedated and have stitches.  He did not clean it or anything else.  Just looked at it.  He said they did not have the ability to sedate her there.

So my brave little 5 year old, a fresh bandage that was already bleeding through before we got to the car, and my ex coming from the other direction to meet us at the ER, headed to get her some stitches.

We enter the VERY BUSY Pediatric ER and checked in.  They saw us in the Triage area in less than 30 minutes and the Nurse did not even take off the bandage.  She said that if a Doctor said she needed stitches, she did.

And then it began.  The long, irritating, changed her blood soaked gauze at least once, watched children sick with the sniffles, vomiting on the floor, babies coming up to us and sneezing on Sarah while the mom played on the cell phone, two and a half hour wait for the sole purpose to have stitches put in my daughter’s cut.

Two.and.a.half.hours.

We were FINALLY called back to the ER and put in a room at 10:20pm.  Mind you, this incident was at 5:15pm.  Sarah was not scared, was laughing and playing and I started to doubt that her injury even needed all of this.

But there we sat.  In the room waiting on the Nurse and the Doctor to sew up her little finger,.

For an hour.

As I started to get irritated, feeling like a caged animal in a room, Sarah was hysterical with exhaustion and exhibited it in play.  The ex went out to the front desk, asked them how much longer, I tickled and played with Sarah and glared out the little rectangular window to the Nurse’s station.  I knew it was not their fault.  I was just seriously sick of waiting.

Finally, right before I grabbed my child and went home, the Doctor came in.  I told him the story and he said he would decided on his own if she needed stitches.

He took the gauze off, saw that it had, in fact, finally stopped bleeding, held brave little Sarah’s finger under the water and declared, “Well that is really shallow!”

Excuse me?

She just needs a little ointment and a really good bandage so she does not bump it but she does not even close to need stitches.

Um…. I’m sorry?  Could you repeat that?

He went on to tell a story about a cut he had on his finger that took 6 hours to stop bleeding and his story took longer than it was to bandage up Sarah’s finger.

I.AM.LIVID!

Not that I wanted my poor little one to have to endure stitches, nor did I want to really deal with them, but couln’t the Pediatric Urgent Care Center wash the wound and ascertain that it was shallow and was just bleeding like mad?

As we walked out the Nurse handed the ex the left over ointment and said, “You paid for it you might as well take it!”

I felt my blood boil.  Because, I bet -and I will share it when I get it – that I get a MONSTER bill for this ‘shallow cut’.  If it is under $500 for a bandage, I will be shocked.

As I drove home, finally letting my daughter have a happy meal since she did not eat dinner and could not eat at all since they were going to sedate her, I got angrier and angrier.  I put my daughter through a night of craziness, my neighbor through the stress of dropping her family to take care of my other two daughters and my ex the pain of having to sit next to me for 4 hours when he clearly did not want to be there.  And for that, I will get billed for a bandage, ointment and the world’s most expensive ‘finger abrasion’.

Is this the state of our healthcare now?  Pass the buck, collect the money and apologize never?  If it is, I will happily decide the next time to spend that 6 hours of my daughter’s injuries in my kitchen – waiting for them to stop bleeding.

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What to Do When a Child Lies

January 28, 2013 By 11 Comments

I suppose it is that time in life.  Where the little one becomes the bigger one and she starts to understand consequences.  Therefore, she starts to try to get out of trouble before it finds her.

This evening my children were playing nicely while I was doing the dishes.  I was listening as I wiped down counters and loaded the dishwasher loving the fact that my kitchen window was open and an almost springlike breeze was drifting in.  They laughed, they screamed with glee, they chased each other around.  It is one of my favorite times of the day.

Somewhere in the chatter I hear, “Mom, Sarah cut my hair!”

hair

I sort of ignored it knowing full well that Sarah, of all of my children, would be cutting no one’s hair since the Great Haircut Debacle of 2012 where both Sarah and the little one, Megan suffered the awkward, lopsided haircuts that they treated each other to.  It took a fill six months to get their hair back to a reasonable shape and they heard over and over and over again why they should not cut each others hair.  With child safety scissors, mind you.  Don’t tell me those don’t cut hair!

In any event, I go about my business thinking it is big sister trying to rile up middle sister so that she and little sister can start the cry fest that befalls this house every night around 7:04 pm.

And I hear it again, “Mom, really, I’m not kidding, Sarah cut my hair!”

I tell Katie to come see me so I can inspect said hair cut and ascertain the damage… and to hopefully call her bluff and scold her, once again, for blaming her sister for imaginary acts!

As she came bounding into the kitchen, I could hear the other two playing in the playroom.  Katie came from the bathroom.  Surely Sarah would have accompanied her with an excuse if she had cut her hair.

But sure enough, right on the side of her page boy haircut was a chunk missing.  Not terribly noticeable - unless your her mother – but definitely cut.

I asked her if Sarah really did cut her hair, doubting that my super smart, super sweet middle daughter would want to deal with the consequences of cutting another child’s hair, and Katie promised that she did!

Somewhat frustrated, I called Sarah into the kitchen!  She came running in with a super sweet grin on her face.  She was not wearing that “Oh no, I am caught!” look.  Nor were her sparkling eyes showing signs of distress knowing she had broken a rule.  I asked her if she cut sister’s hair and Katie chimes in with, “Yes!”

Sarah genuinely looked confused.  She said, “No, I didn’t do it.  I know I didn’t.  My hand did not have the scissors!”  I could tell she was telling the truth.  There was no stress there… no signs of being cold busted.  So I asked the little one, “Squishy (she’ll never outgrow her baby nickname), Did you cut sister’s hair?”

“No, Mama, I di-int do it!  It weren’t me!”

Nothing but truth coming from that child.

So I turned back to Katie and I asked, “Are you telling me the truth?  Did you sister cut your hair or did YOU cut your hair?”  Even before the tears started, the nose wrinkled and the mouth opened to wail in protest, I knew I had caught my six year old lying to me.  Straight to my face, no remorse until she was caught, throwing her sisters under the bus without a care, lying.

Furious, I asked her what she thought she should lose for lying to me.  She said her tablet and I agreed. So I grounded her from screen time for the entire next day.  She was devastated.

But so was I.

Of all the things I can not stand as a person, it is being lied to.  I lied as a child and I still feel guilt about it.  Lying accomplishes nothing and it achieves the opposite of what the ones who lie are trying to get.  It is a well known rule with my children that lying is a grave mistake in my house.

So, really, I was shocked.  I could not believe that my 6 year old had contrived to be so mischievous and unconcerned with creating an untruth from scratch.  And I am not sure what to do about it.  But, as sad as it is, I now will have to question everything she blames her sisters for.  Because she could be lying!  She just proved it!

I know she is testing her boundaries, learning her limits, feeling around for the severity of consequences.  It is part of growing up.  It is part of challenging authority.  We all go through it.

But I have to admit, the first time it happens, it hurts the mommy heart just a little bit.  Another sign that my little baby is growing up way too fast…

And now I have to worry about trusting her.  And that bothers me just a little more.

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Turning Off the Lights Honoring the Sandy Hook Shooting Victims

January 16, 2013 By 5 Comments

It is hard to believe it has been a month.  We have had Christmas in our homes, celebrated a New Year and resolved to be better people going forward.  And with the recovery of our lives from the crazy holiday season also comes the return of our children to school.

Turn Your Light On for Sandy Hook

For a month now, I have kept my front porch light on.  A reminder of the day that a man broke into an elementary school and killed 6 teachers and administrators and 20 first graders.  And I had many people join me.  Over 1.5 million people read my Facebook status that day and joined me in the efforts to light up the skies with prayers for the victims, the families and the whole town.  Sandy Hook reminded us all how precious our time with the ones we love is.  It told us that this really can happen anywhere.  And it tore our hearts to shreds as we watched funeral after funeral for little white coffins.  Sometimes 4 and 5 a day.

For a month I have been reminded of how Sandy Hook changed my motherhood, how it even altered the course of my unamicable divorce for a week or two and how it still made my heart hurt at the very thought of it.  I have looked at my light and said a little prayer for the tragedy and the people dealing with the aftermath everyday.  I have hurt for the mothers who sleep with their children’s blankets or favorite toys yearning to smell their children again.  To hold them.  To laugh with them.  And I have prayed to God that my children are safe as I sent them to school.  One of them a 1st grader.

I have struggled with when to turn the light off.  Should it be at 26 days, one day for each victim?  Should I have done it when the story was not the lead on the news every night?  Or should I wait until I can emotionally flip the switch in my heart?  I’ve walked over to it several times thinking I could do it.  But something always stopped me.  I guess I felt like turning it off would mean that I was turning off my dedication to remembering the tragedy and reminding myself that help and prayer is still needed everyday and will be needed for a very long time to come.

Yesterday, one month after the tragedy, I was ready.  I don’t know why… I just was.  And so I walked over to the switch, put my finger on it, asked God above to help me remember to pray for them, and turned it off.  A tear slid down my cheek.

I know it is ‘just a light’.  And I know that this tragedy did not happen anywhere near me.  And I know that no one I know was directly affected by it.  But, like every American, it affected me more deeply than I expected.  And by the reaction to the Facebook thread from people all around the world, I am not the only one.

Leave your light on for Sandy Hook

So my light is off and with the extinguishing of the bulb I lift up the children, the staff and the parents and families to Heaven with a prayer that we all take this and learn from it.  Because I know, that if we all work together as rational adults from our living rooms to our White House, we will be able to one day say that this can never happen again in our country.

God Bless You Sandy Hook.

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What I Learned While Watching My Children Play

January 12, 2013 By 2 Comments

For about half an hour now I have been sitting quietly at my computer flipping around Twitter and Facebook looking for inspiration to take my blog to the next level.  But I am distracted.  Because for that same half hour, my kids have been sitting in front of my on their tablet playing ‘ guess the Spongebob character’ or some game along those lines that has them laughing and joking and acting like….  children.

So, basically, Heaven is in my house tonight.

girls play

But as I listen – and stop to just stare and smile that television mom smile in their direction every minute or so – the realization that I don’t do this nearly enough, hits.  I don’t watch my children play enough.

Boy, am I missing out!

Not only have they totally been getting along, an event so rare that this possibly needs to be studied by science, but they are funny, cute and actually seem to like each other.  A reality that is not often shown in this house, I won’t lie!

But I am loving the interaction – sans the ‘you’re a bootyhead’ name calling , of course – and I am laughing right along with them as they navigate sisterhood like the amateurs they are.

The age differences have disappeared, there are no oldest and youngest, no taller and shorter.  Right now, playing games with each other, they are just children.  Reveling in being up too late, laughing like hyenas and egging each other into louder screeches of pure happiness.

I am so lucky.

These little girls are teaching each other more about love, support and the joy of life than any television show, video game or even me. And I might even be a little jealous at their closeness, their understanding of each other and their innocence.

As we now return to our regularly scheduled evening of “who is the biggest drama queen”, I say a little Thank You to the Big Man above.  Because tonight I got to watch my children play and was reminded that doing this more often makes life too precious to be mad at.

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Tales of the Defiant Stay At Home Mom

January 11, 2013 By 6 Comments

I’ve HAD IT!  I am allllll done!  Finished!  DONE!  Over it.

Well, you get the idea.

What am I over, you ask?

Being the perfect stay at home mom and housekeeper.

Yep.  I am giving it up for Lent, brushing it under the rug and turning my defiant back to the reasoning that – if you stay organized – you can do it all!

Because I fully admit, as an able bodied, strong minded, well intentioned mother that I can not!  And I refuse to feel bad for it!

So, yes, it is the second week of January and my Christmas tree is still up.  As my Facebook friends suggest, I might turn it into a Valentine’s Tree. I’ll have my girls cut doilies into hearts and hang boxes of Smarties Hearts on it.  I’ll make sure the one that says “Your Special” is on top.

People do say I’m a little special.

In fact, maybe I’ll leave it up year round and put some eggs on it for Easter and the flags of the countries on Flag Day.  Think of how educated my children will be!

On my specialness.

It is not that I don’t want the tree down.  I am actually quite fond of the extra space that would be available if said tree were packed nicely in it’s box and placed carefully in the attic.  I’d have more space for toys that are strewn about with the sole intention of making me step on their pointy edges in the middle of the night.  It’s just that every time I go to take it down, something comes up.

A kid.  A call.  A reason not to take down the tree.

Laziness.

I can’t really be blames for that, now can I?

I can hear you!

I have also decided that, though it is hard to have family dinners when they have to move the towels and the granny panty mommy underwear to sit down and put their plates down, the kids are not suffering from the fact that they have to grab their clothes from the piles on the table instead of from in their drawers.

In fact, I am probably saving them years of back pain in the future by not making them pull out heavy drawers full of nicely folded clothing.  So really I am thinking of them.

And the therapy that I will have to pay for later.

The clothes are clean and folded and available to be worn. So, really, what is the point of making the umpteen tracks across the house to put them in drawers that they will only be taken out of?  Just seems I could be spending my valuable, limited time doing something else.

Like taking the tree down.

So, though there are many, MANY more examples as to my inability to be perfect in…. well…. ANY way at all, I think I’ll stop there.

I need material for another post.

Because even though I may come off as a bit disorganized, a little scatterbrained and do not have everything perfectly in order all the time, I am pretty good at games like the tickle monster and being the guest at a birthday party.

So even though I am making Hamburger Helper for dinner and counting the waffles to make sure there are enough for breakfast, I’ll sleep well tonight  knowing that in reality, I am doing the best I can.  And that is pretty darn good!

The wine will  help too.

So THERE!

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I Needed to Write SOMETHING: Dealing with Emotional Isolation

January 8, 2013 By 22 Comments

I have been through some things in my life that are probably out of the norm.  Not necessarily any worse than other people.  But things that I just have out there.  And, even as a little girl, I have used writing as a way to let those experiences filter through me and onto paper lifting the weight that I had to endure.

When I started this blog, the sole purpose was to write.  As it has grown I have turned it into much needed income.  Especially now.  And I have learned that I really love to give my opinions on things that could help someone else down the line.  So the products and such are an outlet as well!  And I truly truly LOVE giving things away and making someone’s day.  Especially if I know what they are getting is pretty darn awesome!

But as I am starting the new chapter of my life as a single mom of three it is KILLING me that I can not sit down and write all about it.  And I know some readers – thank you for your emails – are missing seeing something about what is happening too.  But anyone who has been though a messy divorce knows that everyone tells you to hush up and keep your opinions to yourself until the last piece of paper is signed.

So I feel really sorry for you guys at the end of March!

But I think that I am feeling more lost, confused and unsteady because I can not write it down.  Well, I can write it down but I can’t get support and opinions from readers who have been through it.   You, who I have come to rely on for help, support and making the right decisions in my parenting and life are not a resource for me right now.

And it is frustrating.  And I know for you guys too who want – as I have been told – more of the personal writings that used to decorate this blog almost on a daily basis.

I promise you they are coming back!  And by the truckloads too!

But this whole thing has got me thinking.  How do people deal with things when the avenues they have come to rely on are suddenly lost to them?  Whether it be that parent that you talked to an hour every day that passed away.  Or that best friend who moved away and even with texting, email and social media, that two hours away is an eternity.  Or the neighbor who found a boyfriend and suddenly lost time for you.

How does someone cope when the stresses of their lives when what and who they turn to for advice, concern and honesty are suddenly not there?

Of course, there is God and He and I are tighter than I have ever been with Him right now.  And I will forever be grateful for these challenges because they brought me closer to Him.  But can one solely rely on God to deal with  the complexities of stressors that change lives?

So here I sit, sentences jumping out my head, eager to hit the page, to be hear, to be read, to be understood.  And I am blocked by a metaphorical brick wall that refuses to let me through a crevice for even a moment.  This is a lonely place, I won’t lie.  This emotional isolation.

Thank God I won’t be here long.  Because just as pages in a good book are turned rapidly ending the story all too soon, so are the chapters in a bad one.  At some point you get to close the book and put it back on the shelf to stay until you want to relive it in a different time in your life.

Until then…. I just needed to write something…

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How the Sandy Hook Shootings Changed my Motherhood

December 19, 2012 By 4 Comments

When my oldest daughter was born in 2006 I learned that motherhood comes with a list of fears.  Rational or not, I worried about SIDS, car accidents, her getting smothered in a blanket, dropping her and someone taking her from me when out and about.  I worried when she toddled off to her first day of preschool that she might wander off and get lost.  That she would cry for me all day because she could not find me.  And when she entered Kindergarten last year, I had fears that she would be bullied, not be able to make friends and that she might fall on the playground.

Never, in a million years, did I ever fear that she would go to school, sit at her desk, say the Pledge of Allegiance, and be listening to morning announcements when a gunman would break into her classroom and shoot her multiple times as she screamed in complete terror.

But now I do.

The Sandy Hook Shootings are devastatingly unbearable.  I, literally, can not breath when I think of what 20 children and 6 heroic adults had to endure for the 10 minutes that that person was in their school, spraying bullets into the bodies of the innocent.  Changing the lives of not only the victims and their families, but the psyche of a Nation.

As the conversations of gun control, violence in video games and the sad state of mental health care in our Country continue, I look at my job as a mother differently now.  No longer am I mainly the disciplinarian, the playmate, and the one that makes sure they do their homework.  But now, more so than ever, I am responsible for making sure that every single day of my children’s lives, every single minute, every single second, is memorable and precious.  And I feel like I have to imprint it all on my mind.  Imagine that it is the last moment that I will ever see.

Because we live in that town.  That quiet, family friendly, presumably safe town where the school is tucked away, hidden from any main street.  We moved here for the schools and a better childhood for our children. We have teachers and administrators that love our children like their own.  Teachers who have just started their careers, a principal that would do anything to take care of our children, and people all around us who would do anything to make sure our children are safe.

And now I have to worry that they will have to give their lives for my children.  Or that my child will have to endure pure terror as her last moment. Now I have to fear the unfathomable.  Logic and rationality are pushed aside as I allow the ‘this will never happen here’ to fight with ‘but it did happen there’.

Much as I still look at airplanes on a clear blue day and say a prayer that they will land safely and not into a building, I now drop my daughters off at school and survey the cars at the entry.  I look for men sitting alone with no excuse to be there.  I look for the red flag that will tell me that this person is about to change the lives of so many.  Senselessly, carelessly, and forever.

I know it is rare.  I know that right now, our kids are safer at school than they probably have ever been.  I know that legislators are promising change.  I know that God gave me these children to love and protect and that His ultimate plan for them is something only he knows.

And now I know that no matter what I do, no matter what I teach them, no matter how safe I think life is, that it can end anywhere.

And so my camera is out more, my arms open wider and for longer, my kisses messier and more abundant.  The laundry will stay unfolded for another day.  My work will be done at another time.  My excuses to put them off while I get something done will be less available.

Because my children need me to make the time here the best it can be.  And I need them to know every moment of every day that they are the most important thing to me and the reason my heart soars with joy at every smile.  I need them to always carry with them that mommy adores and loves them no matter what.

Because , as we learned on December 14, 2012, they can be gone in an instant.   And though I have known that deep down all along, it is now on the surface threatening to suffocate me as I imagine that it is me walking into that Church to lay my baby to rest.

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Leave Your Light on for Prayer for Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting in CT

December 14, 2012 By 151 Comments

Please share this, tweet it and let’s show Connecticut that we can band together to pray and help them through this horrid Connecticut School Shooting tragedy that happened today, December 14, 2012.

As a show of unity and prayer let’s all leave a burning candle or our front porch light on tonight. Each flicker and light will represent a prayer for healing and love for every child, adult and service worker affected by the CT shooting tragedy. Thank you to my reader Regina for the idea.

I will not be posting or promoting today in honor of the victims.  I hope my companies I work with understand.

Thank you and God Bless America.

Thank you.

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How to Verbally Pay It Forward & What it Means to Me

December 12, 2012 By 2 Comments

Years ago when I was a little girl going through some trying times in my life, a state social worker told me that no matter what was happening in that moment, I had the ability to thrive in life.  I did not understand what he meant then but I have carried that with me all of these years.  When I get down, I try to really remember what he said.

It’s hard to recall during the tough times, I won’t lie.  My mind fights to negate it as much as it can.  But somehow, no matter what, I do finally remember it and it gets me through.  And when I am feeling sorry for myself, when I feel the world is out to get me and when I feel I have been horribly wronged, I try to think of all of the things that I have made it through and come out stronger for.

About 5 years ago I was in the grocery store with my newborn daughter, Sarah.  She was a tiny little thing and I was ignoring my list and spending more time thanking God for her than I was paying attention to great deals I could find.

In the store sort of on the same aisle track as me was a woman and her daughter who was probably about 12.  She kept looking at my Sarah and smiling.  In the Ice Cream aisle we all were in the same area and the little girl heard me call my baby Sarah.  She perked up and said, “My name is Sarah too!”

I told her that was a great name and asked if she spelled it with an H or not.  She said she did have an H at the end and I told her my Sarah did too!  She squealed a little and said that was the best way to spell it!

I agreed and she cooed with my daughter.

When her mom was done and moving on I told the girl that I thought she was so sweet and then told her that I hoped “my Sarah turned out to be as beautiful as she was.”

She smiled that shy smile we all have, blushed and ducked her head a little.  I heard a faint, “Thank you” and saw her mother smile at me  from down the aisle.  I truly meant it and was glad I told her that.

For years I have wondered how that Sarah is doing.  No doubt a teenager now, probably almost an adult, I wonder if in the hard times when friends teased her, she had her first broken heart or has self doubt if my little words play back in her head.  Do I feel arrogant thinking that I might have said something that would enter her head sometimes like my social workers words for me do?  Yes.  But do I hope that verbally paying it forward has helped her when she has needed it most in her life?  Yes.

Granted, my speaking the absolute truth to her was a spontaneous event that surprised even me.  I meant ever word and as I watch my Sarah grow, I still mean them.  So far…. so good!

In this time when we all have our head buried in our phones – ME – computers and are engrossed in the Holidays and what has to be done, take a moment to remember someone who verbally paid it forward to you and what it has meant to your life.

And then take 30 seconds to verbally pay it forward to someone else.  You never know, you could be impacting more than that moment.  You could give them internal strength for their entire lives.

And there is almost nothing that could be a more lasting gift than that.

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Gun Control: A Mom’s Perspective

December 4, 2012 By 12 Comments

I realize that I am opening a whole can of worms with this post.  I don’t care.  But after Bob Costas made his opinion known on Sunday Night Football, I have had thoughts swirling through my head that I have to put down on paper.

I am for gun control and I am not for gun control.

How is that for clear?

Years ago, when I was single and traveling and out late at night, a man I dated treated me to a Concealed Handgun Class and a Smith and Wesson ladies revolver.  I went to the shooting range at least once a month, kept up on the laws and where I could and could not carry it and was a responsible gun owner.  I never shot at anyone nor, in the 5 or 6 years I had the license, did I find occasion to really use it to protect myself.

One night, I heard a noise outside of my apartment and it freaked me out.  It was very late at night and I lived in a place tucked away in a corner that only had one way to get to it.  There was no reason for noises unless you were outside of my door.  I listened for a while and, after hearing what I thought was my door knob jiggling, I grabbed my gun Annie Oakley style and headed to my door.  I screamed, “Go Away, I have a gun!” and the noise stopped.  After a while I was brave enough to look through the peephole and saw no one.  I gently opened the door and the hallway was empty and silent.  I breathed a sigh of relief and went back into my apartment.

I took a deep breath and went to uncock the gun.  And I couldn’t.  It was stuck and after trying for a while, I could not get it to uncock.  I did not sleep all night knowing I had a cocked gun in my house that could really hurt someone.  Including me.

The next day, after my friend came over and uncocked it, I sold the gun and never looked back.  But I still firmly believed that everyone had a right to protect themselves and their property.

Sometimes, all the training in the world still does not make you a good gun owner.  I have not owned a gun since.

Now that I am raising children and living in the country, my thoughts on guns have changed a little.  Probably a little more dramatically than they should for an educated woman who knows that well trained, intelligent people have a right to protect what is theirs.  But when I walk into a house and I know there is a gun safe or that the homeowner has a gun locked in a safe box way up high in the back of their closet, the hair stands up on the back of my neck.

Having lost family relatives to gun ‘accidents’ and watched story after story after story on the news about little ones who have gotten into that box, guns seem a little more unnecessary than I used to think.  And I hope will all of my heart than none of the people I know that have guns will lose a precious family member to an accident.

The problem with guns is that they offer an instant way to end a life.  One bullet can kill in so many places on the body.  Premeditation is not needed to shoot someone.  And in the cases of people who have a hard time controlling their emotions, guns are too available and too easy.  I bet if you ask people who have shot and killed in rage if they meant to do it, many would say no.

But do I think that guns kill people?  No.  I think people kill people and if you really want to do it, you will kill someone.  With a knife, a bat, an object or your hands.  In fact, I saw recently stats that show that in countries with no guns, homicides are actually higher than here.

Taking guns off the street will not stop domestic violence and robberies and other violent crimes.  Just as taking away belts will not end child abuse.  But, to be honest, from a mother’s perspective, if there were no guns in the world, I might feel a little better about the homes my kids visit.  I might feel safer when out at night.  I might not cringe when a car pulls up slowly next to me at night thinking they have a gun and want to shoot for fun.

Hypocritical and confusing?  Yes.  But so is the entire conversation about gun control.

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Child to Cherish Holiday Ornaments Make Keepsakes for Your Holidays #HolidayHandPrint

November 27, 2012 By 2 Comments

I think every parent wants something special on the tree from their kids.  Something they can pull out every year and be reminded of another time when the pitter patter of little feet woke everyone Christmas morning! But, at least around here, we want those keepsakes to be original, affordable and easy to create.  That is why I was SO excited to find Child to Cherish and order three of their Child to Cherish Marshmallow Clay Handprint Ornament!

Child to Cherish

I could not wait for these to get here.  Unlike other handprint ornaments that I have seen where you have to mix the ingredients and let it sit just the right time before imprinting, this said you could do the ornament with no mixing at all!  So, I told the kids they were going to make keepsakes and we anxiously awaited the mail man!

Child to Cherish

They came early this morning and I could not WAIT to open them up and get started.  I gathered the kids and told them what we were doing and then I opened the first package!  The kit contains  no mess clay, a rolling pin, 2 cutting rings and a ribbon. The safe and non-toxic air dry clay requires no mixing or baking. And since Child to Cherish has been making these kits since 1987, they really have it down!

I took the clay out and was so excited to see that it was kind of like marshmallows.  It is white and has the same type of texture as play doh almost.  But it is more flexible and easy to work with.  I kneeded the clay for a few minutes to avoid air bubbles and then used to rolling pin provided to flatten out the clay.  And then the really fun part started!  My kids were SO excited to press their little hands into the white clay!

Child to Cherish

I just love this part and hope that every year when I look at these ornaments on the tree I remember the excited voices, laughter and love that filtered through the room.  Childhood is so precious and being able to have something to remind me of this day is just amazing!

But back to the making of the memories.  After the girls had left their handprint, I used to cutting rings to create the circles. The girls got the extra clay and played for a while creating other fun things with it!

Child to Cherish

I used to hole poking tool to create the place for the ribbon, tied the ends together and set the ornaments to dry.  Which is where they are now.  When they are dry, we will hang them on the tree!

And when I pack them up this year to save for next year, I’ll know that I am packing a moment in time that can not be brought back except in my heart year after year as we decorate with these unique keepsakes!

Child to Cherish

Consider these fun, affordable, unique gifts for grandparents, family and more this year.  Order them on Amazon and enjoy them for many years to come!

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This shop is part of a social shopper marketing insight campaign with Pollinate Media Group™, but all my opinions are my own. Please see my Disclosure statement for more information.**

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The Perfect Bedtime Snack: Cooked Carrots

November 27, 2012 By 1 Comment

A few months ago I came up with the genius idea of putting all of my kids beds in the same room. It has worked beautifully and the night time fears and fights at bedtime have subsided.  Mostly.

Generally, I announce bedtime and it is met with “nooooooo” and “wait, mommy, I just need one more thing”.  But after about 10 minutes, I get them settled and the bedtime stories begin among the chatter of three little girls excited to have mommy read to them. Some nights it takes a book.  Some nights it take three books, two songs, seven “lay down!”s and a ton of prayers.  They are little kids, after all.

Sliced Carrots

Sarah, my middle one, has gotten in the habit of wanting a snack right before she falls asleep.  Usually a banana or pear.  I have even let her have fruit snacks even though I know they are terrible for her teeth.  Really, it is whatever it takes to get her to finally fall into slumber.

Sometimes, though, she requests really – well, ODD – stuff.  Like cooked carrots.

Yes.  I know.  I am looking for a therapist.

Cooked carrots in this house are sliced carrots in a can.  Really great for easy meals and mixing with rice and all of that jazz.  And when the kids were babies I used to heat up a can and let them pick at them for snacks.

So, really, this is all my fault.

Add that to the list.

But back to the story.

Last night, as mentioned, Sarah decided she wanted cooked carrots for her bedtime snack.  I was not going to open a can of carrots, heat them up, serve them to her in bed and have to deal with the mess that is carrots in bed.  So, I said no and offered her the usual.  To which she started to chant:

“Cooked carrots! Cooked carrots!  Cooked carrots!”

 To add to the excitement of it all, her sisters joined in.

Who said this same room idea was genius?

So I had three little girls, all chanting in tune, “Cooked carrots!”  It was music to a mother’s ear.  Not MY ear, but surely a mother somewhere!

I begged, I pleaded, I threatened to make them drive a minivan when they were 16.  Nothing worked.  The endless chanting for the sliced orange bedtime snack continued.  I am seriously not kidding when I say they finally all chanted themselves to sleep!

When  peace did fall over the house I felt blessed.  And like I had won.

Until Sarah woke up this morning, toddled into my office and said, “Cooked Carrots!!”.

After which she walked to the couch, sat down and waited.

I got up and made her cooked carrots.

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5 Things I LOVE About My Chevy Suburban

November 27, 2012 By 3 Comments

Nope, this is not a sponsored post.  And nope, I was not asked to do it even though I have an affiliation with Chevy.   I simply LOVE my Suburban that I bought this year and wanted to share why!  Plus, I have so many ask me about gas mileage and the ease of use with three kids that I thought it might help some of you who are holiday shopping for cars for your family this year!

I LOVE my Chevy Suburban!  I will probably cry the day I have to put her to rest.  She is sturdy, fun to drive, pretty and reliable.  But there are some things you might not know about a Suburban and they are less advertised than the safety features!  So, I thought I would share them!

5 Things I LOVE About My Chevy Suburban

1)  She looks really good as a Reindeer!  Not all cars do, you know?  But this big, sturdy Suburban can fly through the streets with style and grace.  This is a very important feature for the little ones in the family.

Chevy Suburban

2)  The gas mileage is NOT a concern.  My minivan ate $80 a week and guzzled it at an average of 14 miles per gallon.  Everyone told me the Suburban would kill me in gas costs.  The truth is, that same $80 gets me almost a full tank of gas and I average about 14 – 16 miles per gallon.  In fact, my last tank averaged 15.7.  Now, I know there are cars out there that get 40 mpg and more.  But those are little cars that my family would not fit in.  So, for a HUGE car with all of this space, style and usefulness to my family, I get the same bang for my buck as I did in my mommy mobile.  But I look a lot cooler getting in and out of it!

3)  I love the mommy dashboard.  Why do I call it that?  Because with 3 screaming kids all wanting me to change the radio station, turn on the air conditioning, turn off the radio, turn the air higher, roll down the windows – no, not that far, no, mommy, all the way – I keep my eyes firmly on the road and need ease in reading how I am doing.  The dash board is large, easy to glance down at for speed, gas usage and so on.  There are these great little buttons on the side that I can push and get info on my car too.  I just love it and, though it may seem like a silly thing to mention, my last car’s dash drove me NUTS!  LOL

Chevy Suburban

4)  The interior space is awesome!  I sit three car seats comfortably in my Suburban.  That leaves enough space for another car seat if one of my daughters brings along a friend.  An adult can easily fit in the back with the kids too!  I used to sit back with them on road trips and loved it!  PLUS, even with all of the car seats and such, I have a HUGE storage area in the back for groceries, strollers, suitcases and more.  My minivan would never fit the stuff this Suburban does into it.

Inside a Chevy Suburban

5)  Knowing every morning that it is going to start!  I love this view – see the video!  There is nothing better than knowing that I will carry my family safely to and from in the Suburban.  It is amazingly easy to drive, rides like a dream, commands respect on the road and makes me feel like more than just a mom!

There is so much MORE I love about my Suburban but this is getting long!  If you have hesitated purchasing a Chevy Suburban because you were afraid it would be too big, take too much gas or you would not be able to handle it, trust me.  This 5’1″ single mom loves her Chevy Suburban and thinks every cool mom should have one!

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**I wrote this cause I love my Chevy.  So there!**

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Challenge Accepted: Bring It On Kids!

November 24, 2012 By 5 Comments

My children are professional children.   I am an amateur – yet motivated – mother.  To say that the head butting in this house makes Elks look like they are giving love taps is more in line with the truth than anything else.  And we are all girls.

Recently I have been dealing with the new dramas of a 6 year old, the bossiness of a 5 year and the “I am the baby, hear me whine!” 3 year old.  And all of the online reasearch in the world has not been able to drown out the complete confusion as to how to handle the onslaught of all of their “challenges” when they hit me with them at the same time.  Really, it is overwhelming sometimes.

The other day I promised them I would take them to Chuck E. Cheese.  Now, though spending $50 to let kids win enough tickets to get a $.25 cent toy does not seem like something I should be doing right now, Chuck E. Cheese affords me the luxury of being an awesome mom….  for at least the first hour.

So I buy the package, get the veggies off the salad bar that I require my kids to eat with their pizza and hand each kids a cup with 5 coins.  I ration so that they don’t give them all to their ‘new friends’.  It has happened.

I watch them play while we wait for the pizza, Megan is happily riding the blue train right in front of me… over and over and over again, Katie has made friends at the air hockey table and Sarah is racking up the tickets at Skee Ball.  I sit back and watch, relishing in that I have three beautiful girls and they are getting to be kids.  Time passes, they do the standard run by the table for bites of pizza, grab more coins and head back out to the wilderness that is Las Vegas for kids, and I follow them around sometimes, sit others and contemplate time to leave.

Yes, I typed it.  TIME TO LEAVE.

Much like when an adult has to catch their flight from Vegas home – tired, overly stimulated, their bodies in adrenaline heaven – kids take leaving Chuck E. Cheese about the same way.  At least mine do.  Despite the 15 minutes of warnings, explanations that we are almost out of coins and sweet smiles of understanding, a disaster is still imminent.

Knowing this ahead of time, I have 2 choices.  I can sigh with defeat prior to the announcement knowing that I will drag 3 tired kids out kicking and screaming or I can dig my heels in and say, Challenge Accepted: Bring It On Kids!   I decided to take the challenge head on.

I told the girls it was time to go and, almost in unison, NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! filtered through the air, cutting a severed edge through the childhood noises blanketing the place.  I stand firm, no explanations given.  It is time to go.  Period.

Megan wails, Katie pops her hip out and screams, NO! in true 6 year old Diva fashion and Sarah, stubborn as a mule, crosses her arms and sits on the floor, crocodile tears escaping in complete defiance.

I tell Katie and Megan to head to the door and start to pick Sarah up.  She wails back, totally unexpectedly and HITS ME in the arm.

Challenge Accepted, my dear.  You are no match for me!

Calmly – and I really was shocked by how calmly – I picked Sarah up and carried her, my purse, three Chuck E. Cheese cups and my determination out the door.  I even passed the toy counter without stopping explaining that little girls who have issues leaving when it is time do not get toys.

On the way home, the car grew quiet and I looked to see that all three were asleep.  Little angels with innocence in tact.  And I thought, I am really so lucky.  And even though I know their little Diva attitudes are safely tucked away right now, I fully accept and plan on winning as many challenges as I can. And I was proud of myself for taking them, making rules and sticking to them.

Because really, amateur or not, I am standing firm.  Because it is my job.  And I happily take it, challenges and all.

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How to Raise Children with a Purpose

November 7, 2012 By 2 Comments

Lately I have been giving a lot of thought to how I am raising my children.  Not so much the teaching of good manners, being kind and tolerant to others (needed this Election season for sure), and the proper way to brush their teeth.  But to raise them to understand their purpose in life, their calling and their dreams.

Especially when I can not even define my own.

I was watching a sermon the other day about knowing and defending your dreams and living up to your purpose.  About how to Believe and reach for them.  How to pray the right way so that God can see your efforts and bring the right people in to help you achieve them.  It all sounds so…  ridiculous.

I don’t even know what my dreams are!  I am too concerned with paying my bills, having food in the house, making sure my kids are properly taken care.  I have toilets to clean, debt to crush me, a divorce to handle.

Dreams?  What are those? And my purpose?  Huh?

Once I had them.  I remember that.  I was young and foolish with limited responsibilities.  Things like, “I want to be a Cheerleader“. “I want to graduate from college” and “I want to have children” were all in there.  I achieved all of those.  And for the most part, they all lived up to the hype.

But now what?  What do I want now?  What am I trying to aim for – besides raising well rounded children? How do I reach deep down inside and find a dream that I have and pull it to the surface so that my kids can see me working towards it?  Because we all know that teaching by example is one of the best parenting methods out there.

Now I just want to make the bills, hug my kids, figure out the next step.  Little stuff.  Nothing Earth shattering or impressive, by any means.  The same wants and desires as everyone else.

But maybe that is my dream and my purpose now?  To raise my kids to see theirs.  Maybe my dream is to help my children achieve more than I did?  To accomplish what is in their heart without letting the other stuff come in and suppress it beyond recognition?

And no matter how large or small they seem, support them until they can define on their own what their dreams are. Even when I can now show them how I am doing it too.

In which case, I guess I just do it like anything else I do in motherhood.  Lift my chin, dig in my heels, say a little prayer that I don’t break my nose when I trip and fake it.

And, hopefully, by doing that, I will see my own in them and it will clarify my purpose.

One can only hope.

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My Divorce: A New Kind of Motherhood

October 27, 2012 By 39 Comments

Three months ago my husband moved out.  Two months ago, I filed papers for a divorce.  One month ago, I spent any spare time in bed trying to wrap my head around the failure of my marriage.  And last week, I dragged myself up, put a smile on a my face and started to refocus.  And now that smile has become real.

I’ll be honest, as I try to always be with you guys, I was not going to share this life changing experience on here.  The title ‘Divorce’ comes with preconceived notions, ideas and judgements…. even from people who do not realize they are passing them.  Especially if you are the one who filed the papers, as I did. I was advised by half of the people I know not to share and the other half to share.  But what it boils down to is that this is my life I chronicle on here.  And I can not call myself an honest person and ask you guys to believe my opinions and thoughts if I do not share this major life change with you.

But the most important reason I want to share is that I am now aware that I am embarking on an entirely new kind of motherhood.  The motherhood of a single mom who does not live near family, has mostly friends who work out of the home and three children 6 and under.

And it is hard.  Just as motherhood was before.  Sure, if I want to go to the store I have to take the kids with me.  But I did that a lot anyway and now we are learning math and reading and how to pick a product off the shelf.  I even let them choose a brand new fruit or vegetable they have never had before when we go.  So, sure, it is hard and they still act out sometimes, but they are participating in the process and that is a life lesson I am being forced to teach.  One I will be thankful they know later, I am sure.

And yes, discipline on my own is challenging.  Especially when they all get going and the noise of the three challenges the sound barrier.  But what I say goes, no matter what and they are learning that no one is going to swoop in and excuse their behavior.  Therefore, ironically, teaching them the right way to behave and do things is actually easier.  And it seems to be more effective now!  In fact, they are doing so well that my confidence in taking them places and being able to handle them is growing too!

Case in point:  We just got in today from a 7 day Cruise with Disney Cruise Lines!  Yes, just me and the three girls on a 7 day Cruise to Mexico.  I was apprehensive at first when I accepted the trip.  I sometimes feel I can barely handle them here at times, how could I possibly handle all three on a boat with three stops 24/7 for 7 days?  My insecure doubts that I would not be good enough, skilled enough or patient enough seeped in.  But I knew that this was a once in a lifetime for them and took them anyway.  Though I admit I never took them off the ship.

And I surprised myself – and I think a whole lot of other people too.  Of course, it helps that the Disney Cruise Ships have free childcare, and I did use it for at least a few hours a day (not so much for a ‘break’ but because the Kids Clubs was AWESOME and that is where they wanted to go!), but I did manage to take three daughters on a 7 day Cruise without incident.  We had our meals together, played together, swam in the pool daily, went to shows, stood in line for characters and more.  All without melt-downs, craziness or anyone commenting about me being a bad mother.  In fact, I got more comments about how good my girls were.

Which pleased me to no end, I will not lie!

But I did it.  My kids are happy, I am happy and it was a great time.  Sure, I wish I had done better.  I wish I had taken them to more events, had the money to treat them to more things and the ability to spend one on one time with them each more, but in the end, it was a great experience for us all.  And I am really glad I did it.

Like every day from here on out, I will probably always wonder if I am doing the best for my kids.  If their new childhood will affect them badly or if I will be able to handle every challenge that comes my way.  More than financial or physically doing for them.  But emotionally and intelligently.  Do I have the strength and where-with-all to raise them on the same path I had planned all along?

Maybe not…. but I won’t know until I do it.  And I can’t do it unless I believe I can.  And I can not believe unless I trust myself and what I know about my abilities and how I have handled motherhood so far.

So though the prospect of being able to raise them right and with love and affection once scared the living crap out of me, I have come to understand that it does not have to be so scary.  I am a mom, just like a ton of women.  And whether I am single, married, widowed, divorced, adoptive or something else, I am still a mom.  And the unity of motherhood and what that job entails will be the basis for my parenting now just as it was before.

My Day in Motherhood might start out and end differently now.  I might have a new title as a Separated or Divorced mom. But what happens in between is still as fun and exciting and stressful and wonderful as it always has been.  And my three beautiful, amazing, crazy, determined girls will be just fine.  As long as I am.

And I am.  Better than I have been in years.

New title and all.

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