My Perfectly ‘Imperfect’ Mother’s Day

May 14, 2013 By 2 Comments

This year marks the first official Mother’s Day I have had as a single mom.  Although, as most moms can attest, sometimes Mother’s Day – even married – feels the same as any other day.  Except maybe you get a card.

But as a newly thrilled single mom, I wanted to make this day as special as I could for my kids.  And for me in the process.

The kids gave me one of the best gifts and slept late. Like 9am late.  That never happens here.  Like… EVER, so the fact that I got to sleep in too was just amazing!  I then opened the awesome gifts the kids made me at school.  A precious handprint from my Megan, a cookbook with lots of yummies from Sarah and a hand print jar from Katie!

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I had tears in my eyes as I drank in their perfection and smiles and listened to the ‘Happy Mother’s Day’s’ that escaped their lips.

The girls wanted to take me to breakfast so we slowly got up, got ready and headed out.  We had a looooooong wait but eventually ate. I gave the girls each money and they announced to the waitress that they were “Taking Mommy out to Breakfast!”  It was the most special I had ever felt on Mother’s Day!

And then it was time for Mother’s Day to continue by taking my girls shopping for summer clothes!  Yep, that is how I roll!  They needed clothes, I wanted to spend time with them, so off we went.

But as we headed into the store I heard an “Ouch” and then a blood curdling scream.  My 6 year old, Katie, had gotten her toe caught under the metal door and sliced two of her toes open.  And they were bleeding… a lot!

I picked her up and calmly – you know that calm, moms – walked to the register where people were turning to see me holding a little girl, screaming at the top of her lungs, blood running from her foot, down her flip flop and onto the floor.

“Does anyone have a bandaid?”, I ask.  The employees just kept checking out, shaking their head’s no.

“Can you tell me where the bathroom is?”

Still no response from  employees.

A mom who was in line checking out handed me a bandaid and told me that the bathroom was around the corner.

Grateful, I carried my still bleeding daughter down the longest hallway in the world and watched as my other two girls followed the trail of blood we were leaving.  I would have smiled at their amazement at how each splotch on the floor got bigger and bigger but I was preoccupied.

We got to the bathroom, Katie screaming, her blue flip flop now red and put her foot, shoe and all under the water.  As i rinsed and tried to calm her there was a knock at the door.

It opened and the manager of the store poked her head in and said… I KID YOU NOT, “I was trying to find you to help you before you dripped blood all through the store!”

No “How is your daughter.”  ”How did this happen?”  ”Anything we can do to help?”

Nope – Just frustration because she could not find me to so I would not soil her floors.  And, to the point, we left a trail… so it was not like we were hiding.

I responded, “I didn’t see you and my daughter needed attention.”

Clearly frustrated, she closed the door to the bathroom and I never saw her again.  I was, later, dumbfounded and a little peeved.

As we got Katie cleaned up, stopped the bleeding and assessed that, other than some nasty cuts, she was fine, I got paper towels and cleaned the blood off of me and then headed out to spot clean the floors.  I ran into a woman mopping and was at least grateful that I did not have to clean every spot back to the front of the store.

And then we went shopping as if nothing had ever happened.

Later as I relived the day, relishing in the perfect imperfection of it, I smiled ear to ear.  Because with the trauma of bleeding through a store, the joy of listening to my girls ‘buy me breakfast’ or the laughter as they watched me open their gifts, I realized that it was just another day in motherhood.  And I will take all the days like that that I can get!

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Is Being a “Stay At Home Mom’ a Job or a Luxury?

May 7, 2013 By 7 Comments

In my scouring of the vast internet this week, I found a post by a woman in response to a question a friend asked.  The question had something to do with stay at home moms vs work away from home moms.

Her response was something like this – I did not take it word for word – but this is the jist:

“I dislike when women put stay at home mom as their occupation. No. That’s not a job. That’s a luxury. Is it hard? Yeah, sometimes it’s really hard. But you are lucky that you are in a position to do that.”

Initially when I read this, I hit the roof.  Staying at home with kids IS a job!  And just because we don’t get a standard paycheck does not mean that it is a luxury.

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I wrote a post on the stay at home mom vs. the work away from the home mom a while ago.  I felt we needed to form a united front and support each other in the raising of our kids, not tear each other down.  And I still feel that way.  To me, the readers comment was exactly the opposite.

And then I took a deep breath and read it again.  Granted, there are a lot of stay at home mom’s who are lucky enough to stay home.  And there are a lot of working moms who want to stay home.  But is staying home a luxury?

I decided to ask some of my own readers if they thought staying at home was a luxury and what – if any – sacrifices – they have to make in order to stay home.  I, myself, have done it all. I have worked and been a mom, stayed home and been and mom and now I work from home as a single mom.  I can honestly say that ALL of it has it’s drawbacks and all has it’s benefits.

Here are some of the comments I received:

Ah, the sacrifices for the “luxury” of staying home. It means driving my car until it can’t be driven anymore. Getting my hair cut every 4 months instead of every 6 weeks. It means cutting my kids’ and husband’s hair. It means telling my kids no *gasp* at overpriced museum gift shops and in the toy aisle at Target. It means not vacationing every year. It means having a “dumb” phone until it dies and shopping for the best price on everything we need. It means no sick days. No “vacation” days away from work. It means having a financial planner look at your income vs expenses and ask how you are able to eat.

But it’s a luxury, no doubt. It means I saw my boys’ first steps, heard their first words. Watched them learn to swim, ride a bike, practice piano, bounce on the trampoline. I was able to go to every school function- hear every school song, watch every school play, participate in every science fair. I kiss my kids goodbye when they get on the bus and am there to greet them when the come home. I get to hear every detail of their day and watch them play as they wind down from a long school day. So, sacrifices. Yup. Worth every one. Yup. – Kerrie

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Spending more time with me!!!! ;) )) lol – Kristen

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I am using coupons and we have switched to more store brands then name brands. We shop at Aldi’s a lot. Kroger’s still doubles on coupons up to .50 here. – Jennifer

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We sacrifice everything from vacations to buying new clothes. But the cost of daycare does not allow me to work and actually make $. Hopefully when kids r all in school it will be better. – Christa

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 I work from home caring for my mother but we are also strict on the budget. Preplanned meals, veggies only from our garden we can, couponing and earning amazon credits for extra stuff. Also..homemade cleaning supplies – Samantha

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I hate it when people have that kind of attitude. I have worked part time and been a SAHM and honestly I found working to be easier! Just because I would get a break three days a week and some adult interaction, it was the best of both worlds for me. But I’ve never worked full time while I had kids so I can’t speak for that. I do feel fortunate to have the opportunity to stay home with my kids and I guess in that way you could call it a luxury, but it’s certainly not easy and it’s definitely not without sacrifice as others have said. I also don’t look down upon women who work though, I know they have it hard too! Having kids is a lot of work, period. That being said, I also have to go work in the 1st grade this morning for free. – Cara

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For more comments from real moms, see this thread on my Facebook Page. 

Most of the comments I received revolved around money and the lack of health insurance, which I don’t have now.  Families living on single paychecks that don’t always stretch to fit the basics in, much less the extras.  But not one said that they wished they were not stay at home moms.

So, yes… if you mean emotional luxury, then I suppose being a stay at home mom is one.  But the sacrifices are there as well.

But just because a family unit finds a way to allow a parent – because there are a lot more stay at home dad’s now – to stay home and witness every thing their kids do all day, does that mean that that stay at home parent can not call that a ‘job’?

Years ago there was an article about how much stay at home moms would earn if they were paid for all of the chores they did all day.  Notwithstanding “babysitting’ – because none of us babysit our kids – but cooking, cleaning, managing the household budget, driving everywhere, shopping, handling household maintenance, and so on, would earn a stay at home mom something like $130,000 a year.

I’d say that is a pretty good salary that is not being paid, no matter how much a stay at home mom does.

Now, I know the argument can be made that a stay at home mom should not expect payment because she is home and gets to be there.  And because many see it as a choice.  But, the reality is that what the stay at home parent does IS work. All day, every day, no matter what.  They are on duty overnight, on vacation and every moment in between.  And though it may be a ‘luxury’ to do it, it is, in fact, a JOB!

So when we are thinking of the families that have two working, one working, none working. One kid, two kids, seven kids. Financial freedom, financial strain, financial devastation.  Special needs children, adopted children, birth children. Stress, pain and uncertainty….  let us also think of the sacrifices and benefits of each situation.

Because being a stay at home mom is both a luxury AND a job.  And though we all feel very, VERY lucky to do it, we also have a right to be appreciated for all we do while in that working environment.

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Why There is Freedom in Motherhood

May 2, 2013 By 2 Comments

I have heard it and said it. ‘Mother’s get no time to themselves.” and “A mother’s work is never done.” And yes, it is fact.

I, personally, feel like I am ‘On-Duty” from 6am most mornings to 12pm at night. And sometimes overnight as well. Now, my children are not up those long hours.  They sleep until 7am and sometimes will actually be asleep by 9pm. But I am up. And I am not sitting on the couch watching the coolest show on TV.

Freedom

I am folding laundry, picking up toys, paying bills, working and even laying out my children’s clothes for the next day and prepping their lunches.

So, though the children are not up and asking for something 15 times in a row, I am still mothering and not getting time for myself.

But despite the frustrated posts on Facebook, the funny jokes I come across and agree with – many having to do with the fact that none of us ever get to pee alone – there is freedom in motherhood. You just have to really pay attention to see it.

To me, anyway, freedom in motherhood comes from being able to help a child move from one stage of life to another.

I remember the infant days. And I loved them but often wonder if I could do them again. I remember having these sweet babies attached to me most of the day.  Either nursing or snuggling or being carried here and everywhere. And though I LOVED it – oh how I loved it – I recall wishing they would walk faster so that I could just put them down.

The day that they could hold their heads up gave me the freedom to trust other people to hold them – you moms know what I mean on that one – and watching their little bodies  roll over for the first time marked the freedom from helping them do just that. Sitting up was freedom from sitting on the floor holding them so they did not faceplant.

Crawling was freedom from carrying them all day and walking, well – at first walking is so not freedom – but, eventually, it was. And as sad as it was to see them growing up so fast,  is was a mark of motherhood freedom to not have to hover over them. I could let them walk and play and explore and enjoy the phase of discovery.

As my children have grown, so have my freedoms. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still have them in my sites every moment that they are with me. And I am an attentive – most of the time - loving mom all day and all night with very little time to just sit. I even still have an issue taking a shower with them up lest something happens while I am belting out  ’Gangham Style’ in my perfect shower voice. But as they have learned to fend a little more for themselves, my freedom from the responsibilities of teaching them those skills has gone away too.

I shed tears when my last little one learned to walk and I cheered heartily when my middle daughter learned to swing on her own.
I cried when my oldest graduated from preschool and I rejoiced when she took the training wheels off of her bike.

I was also relieved when my middle daughter stopped twisting her hair into knots and when my oldest one stopped eating her toe nails. Those annoying phases and habits could not end fast enough!

Every step they make toward the dreaded day when they leave my home is a mix of sadness and regret that I did not savor it more and a beam of pride that I got them to that point.  I can’t wait to see what they are like as teenagers and grown women but I also want to squish them back to the earlier days when playing with mommy was better than any friend they had.

One day, I will wake up and have real freedom. My house will be empty of all but precious memories. Photos of their childhood decorating every spare space on my walls, monogrammed baby blankets still hanging on the end of their beds, reminders of when they were small enough to fit in them.

My lone feet will replace the pitter patter engrained in my memory and I will wish daily for “Mommy” to be screamed at me 20 times in a row.

But until then, I will continue to be mom 24/7, happily complaining that everything I do in my life is for my children. Anxiously, I will watch for the next achievement, the next phase and the next sign of growth.

And I will drink it all in as if their accomplishments are mine. Freely loving that I have this time and that it is precious.

For me, at least, That is the only kind of freedom I need.

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Why Bashing People Online is a Bad Blogging Practice

April 27, 2013 By 20 Comments

I am not going to name any names, link to any posts or refer to any particular incident here.  Because you, as my real mom readers, could probably care what goes on behind the scenes of the blogging world.  But when I see that opinions and uneducated posts go up about people in this world, the companies they work with and the fans they have, I have to stop and think about the purpose of social media in general.

internet

I am a pretty positive person about things.  I KNOW that I am extremely lucky and blessed that anyone takes the time to read my words.  Every comment is taken with deep gratitude – whether it be here, on my Facebook page, my Twitter feed or any other social media page I can be found on – and any online friendship I form is cherished as if we had coffee together every morning.

When I am lucky enough to actually meet other bloggers, reps from companies or readers, I am over the moon.  And, maybe it is naive of me, but I just assume everyone else online feels the same way I do.

So it is always a shock to my system when I see bloggers bashing bloggers, bloggers ripping fans a new one, or bloggers attacking companies and the people who represent them for the sole goal of drawing attention to them selves.  In my three years online, I have never seen a negative post or comment be rewarded nor increase the positive opinion of the person who posted it.

The other day, one of my friends sent me a text message with a message from a blogger to a fan that was so deeply offensive  I immediately unliked her page and took her off of my “promotion” list.  The terms she used in an open forum to define her reader who was only voicing her opinion was deplorable.  I can not imagine what would possess a seemingly professional person to do that to someone who was a part of their community.

I get scolded, smarted off to and disagreed with all the time.  And I never remove those opinions, emails or comments – unless they include profanity – because it is not my job to alter opinions.  And everyone has a reason for having theirs.  And though it breaks my heart when someone forms a false opinion about me and what I am trying to say, they are, in fact, entitled – just as I am – to voice it.

But it can certainly go too far.

Two other things that just simply went too far happened just this week that made me shake my head in amazement and wonder what the purpose of spewing negativity online was.

One was a national newspaper that was so incredibly disrespectful to mom bloggers and the entire community that I was sick.  Those that do not understand that most of us put in 10 -12 hours every single day no matter what are sharing their opinions that are based on nothing but the end result of getting attention.  I would never go online and post something about another profession in such a negative manner.  So this article hit a nerve and makes me want to work even harder to spread the positive about bloggers and our intentions of good.  We all work very hard and it IS a job.  Not a job to get free stuff or reduce our ethics to promote someone… but a job we love and respect and appreciate.  Most bloggers are like me.  We only promote what we love.  I would say no one I work with “sells their soul” for the almighty buck.  I’ve never seen a business that lasts doing that and I want to last!

Proving we are not all the same, there were several bloggers this week that went after someone who did not deserve it in any way.  This career impacting smear campaign was based on an altered image that had nothing to do with anything at all.  And the opinion that was being spread was completely uneducated and from people who have never even met the person they attacked.  My heart aches for someone who is so viciously used for the pageviews that the bloggers are reaping based on slander.

I have to say that I think any maliciously intended posts, comments and promotions are bad blogging and social media practices.  Word spreads fast in the online world and – aside from the instant gratification of temporary attention – word spread about who was at the root of it is more damaging to the spreader in the end than the victim.  Reputation is EVERYTHING online and I, personally  would never want to be categorized as mean, unprofessional or  hard to work with.

I am all for the truth. And I am all for honestly telling your side of things for the benefit of education.  I am not for using someone else’s reputation, comments and profession to gain temporary satisfaction for myself.

And as a reader of blogs, I immediately turn away from bashing and negativity in a heartbeat.  I think the world is tough enough.  Healthy debate, fair arguments and a clear representation of the truth make great bloggers and small business owners.  Disgusting disregard of others feelings and the truth for your own gain is just bad blogging practice.

What do you think as readers?  Do you love controversial blogs that are aimed at attention seeking practices?  Or do you form an opinion about someone who posts like that? And if a blogger disrespected you openly, how would you feel?  I want to know!

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How My Divorce Has Made Me a Better Mother

April 24, 2013 By 26 Comments

Nine months ago I finally got up the backbone to not only ask my ex husband to leave – once again – but the power to actually follow through and make him go.  Not an easy feat but it was the best decision I have made since deciding to have children.

Since then, life has just gotten better.

me and girls

My confidence has risen to almost annoying levels – ask my neighbors -  my self esteem has slowly recovered – not an easy task after 10 years of being told I was not good enough – and I am learning that being a single mom does not have to be scary, exhausting or a reason to solicit sympathy.

But the one major difference I have noticed is that I am a much better mother now to my three little ones than I ever was before.

I was so incredibly unhappy with my ex-husband that my children suffered the consequences. I can admit it. I had a short fuse, an exhaustion like I have never felt and I didn’t take care of me, myself and I at all.  I let the house get out of control – OK, that still happens today – let myself balloon up to an uncomfortable size, cried at the drop of a hat and was always trying to escape or ‘take a break’.

I remember having wonderful days with my girls and cringing when I saw he was home and then changing in an instant to a short fused, grumpy, bitter mom who wanted to do nothing more than go to my room, lay down and not come out.  It was horrible and it went on for years.

It was this toxic environment year after year that gave me the strength to embark on a life with my kids that did not include the negative.  And it has been amazing!

I don’t know if it is the same for everyone, but when in my marriage, I tended to want to ‘escape’ as often as I could.  I wanted a ‘break’, wanted to get away, wanted him to step up and take care of things so that I could get away from it all.  I used to complain to friends that I never got a moment of peace.  I was the one with the kids all day, making dinner, doing to laundry, putting them to bed, getting up all night and then doing it again day after day.  Even when I was sick, I took care of everything.  In fact, I remember him telling me that mom’s don’t get sick days.

I was miserable, always looking for every opportunity to get away, even if it was to take a 45 minute shower in water that was cold 10 minutes in just to be by myself.

Since becoming a full time single mom, my struggle now is what to do with my time alone.  I LOVE having my kids with me.  I take them everywhere and only leave them for work related meetings or when he has to have them by law.  They are my sunshine, my strength, my best friends and my playmates.  We go everywhere together, live every moment together and I simply can not believe that I wanted to get away at one point and time.

I want to get up from my desk and play outside with them.  My camera snaps all day long as I record every smile, move and laugh.  And when they do leave, I feel great sadness and don’t know what to do.  I almost always want them back immediately and when I get them back, I am overjoyed.  My life feels complete again!

Now I tell people that say I must have my hands full that I would not have it any other way.  Instead of the “yes I DO!” it is  ”I am blessed to be so happily busy.” I am finally the mom I want to be and I am so grateful.

I try to schedule things to get out and do when he has them and I have reconnected with friends I lost during the marriage and generally have plans.  But my world is only truly complete again only when I have them with me.

Another thing I have noticed is that my patience is back.  I think when someone is in a bad relationship, they tend to take out their frustrations on the ones around them.  And I think my patience level was non existent for a long time.  It seems to have miraculously reappeared.  I have noticed – and friends have too – that I no longer take in deep breaths when my kids ask for something 57000 times.  I simply reply and then remind them of my answer.  I get down on their level now instead of towering over them. Listen to their complete sentence before cutting them off with “NO!”, and try to remember that they are little kids.  It has made such a change in me and my kids and for that, I am grateful.

Don’t get me wrong.  I wish I had listened to my head when I chose the father for my kids and picked a man who loved me and wanted to do the work it takes to make a marriage successful.  My dream was to be in a happy marriage and be in it for life.  I did not lightly choose to end mine.  But my reasoning’s for doing so were for the benefit of my children and I can honestly say that they are a LOT happier now then they were before!

I certainly have challenges I would not wish on anyone.  The financial strain is huge, the doubt of whether I can handle everything is stressful and the loneliness when they are gone can be crushing.   And my chores are overwhelming for sure.  And, I do wish I was in a healthy marriage or relationship for them to see.   I actually feel great guilt sometimes for not being in one.

But, my decision to get out of a stressful situation and go it alone seems to be the absolute best decision I have made in years.  And so I thank this experience.  Because in the stress of it all, I am learning to be the mother that I always wanted to be.

And that is all that matters to me!

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The End of ‘It Can’t Happen Here’

April 16, 2013 By 3 Comments

It is getting old.  The hatred, disregard for human life and the march towards complete civil upheaval that seems to decorate our news screen every single minute of every day.

I was blissfully unaware of terror attacks and the inner working of the people that give their lives to protect us from terror cells and the true evil in the world until 9/11.  And it took YEARS for me to be able to look up in the sky, see a plane, and not expect it to blow up right overhead.

But in the wake of so, so many school shootings – Sandy Hook being the most recent mass massacre – and now the explosions at the Boston Marathon, I am now spinning out of control again in my expectations that bad things will happen right in front of me.

And it pisses me off.

To be truly blunt.

I am trying to raise three happy, healthy, optimistic, hopeful kids here and current events are making it harder and harder.  Yes, I have my faith in God and the believe that all things are as they should be, but I can’t be alone in my thoughts that their innocence is  lost a little more every time there is a tragedy in this country.

And I am not just talking about major ones that loop the news channels for days on end.  Kidnappings, murders, rapes, beatings, and on and on and on.  It seems our society is inundated with nothing but complete hatred and disregard for humanity as a whole.

Granted, I realize that a lot of events are showcased on the evening news right along with the latest Hollywood break-up as a form of entertainment.  And I know that they are most likely discussed because the event or crime was so heinous that it had to be shared.

But what about the ones that are never reported?  The little kids that go missing that no one ever knows about?  The elderly that are neglected and taken advantage of.  The murders that happen on city streets that are so commonplace that no one sees the ‘necessity’ in sharing the details on national television?

As my rant continues and my anger over what we are doing to one another grows, I am fully prepared to admit that I have totally lost that safe feeling that ‘It can’t happen here.’

It CAN happen here and it does.  Just the other day a man stabbed 14 people at a college down the road.  My elderly neighbor was robbed last month and in the neighborhood next to us last year, a rapist of children was loose.

How can I tell my kids that I will protect them and make sure nothing bad happens to them when I clearly can not watch them 24 hours a day?  Sure, I can home school   And I am sure people will tell me that that will guarantee my children’s safety.  But the 8 year old killed yesterday was not at school.  And I refuse to lock my children in my house and never let them out.

Besides, have you watched the news?  Home invasions are on the rise as well.

So, the question is… am I simply suffering – once again – from the belief that I can not do anything to stop someone who wants to harm me, my children, my friends, or perfect strangers standing in the street?  Am I causing my own grief by seeing headlines and Google pop ups while I work?  And how do I avoid the texts and emails from people who want to make sure I have heard about events like this?

On the flip side, shouldn’t I be informed so that I know what to do in an emergency situation?  Shouldn’t I know what is happening in the world?  I will have to explain it one day to my kids, won’t I?

I suppose I am just overwhelmed, irritated, frustrated and at a loss for clear words, once again, to explain to myself why things like this happen.  And until we know why, I probably will always wonder how someone could be so vain and so selfish that they would take the lives of others just to satisfy their own insanity.

Until then, I will lean more heavily on my God and my Faith and I will draw strength from the innocence of my children’s eyes.  I’ll use their happiness and hope to fuel my own.  And I, like every other American, will go about my business as if nothing has changed.

Except for all of us… something has.

Because no matter what comes in the future, part of my psyche will always be waiting for the next attack and praying that it does not happen to anyone I know.

Maybe I am the selfish one.

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Five Things I Have Given Up On in Motherhood

April 11, 2013 By 7 Comments

I had grand plans when that second line showed up on that stick.  I had big restrictions on what could and could not be done around my children.  And I, myself, put big expectations on my own shoulders as a mother.

Almost 4 years into raising 3 little girls, I am all done pretending.  My ‘I will NEVER’s’ have turned into “maybe’s” and my boundaries have relaxed in a lot of areas.  Here are five that I had to let go of in order to keep my sanity!

pillows

I will NEVER let my kids wear old and stained clothing!

Well…. let’s see.  Three daughters, an acre to live on – half of which is instantly turned into mud at the slightest drizzle – markers, paint, food and more and this one went out with the first onsie I put on them that still had a cereal stain on the front.  I want my kids to look good, I do.  But, seriously, the amount of stains and marks and such that they get on their clothes are way more than I could have imagined.  And, being a relatively optimistic person, I think that eventually all stains will come out.  I am generally wrong.  But the thing that surprises me the most is how quickly my kids become attached to clothing, no matter how it looks.  I have to throw things out when they are not around.  But until I can, I have let my six year old go to school in pants that have a nail polish spot on the leg.  But when I drop her off, I announce all loud and stuff, “She dressed herself and LOVES those pants, stain and all!”

Teachers still roll their eyes… but I feel better.

My kids will NEVER fight!

I’ll pause for laughter.  Yea, yea…. mommy is a loon if she thinks she can keep three little girls from fighting about every.little.thing.

As they have aged, I have been a stickler about hitting, biting – thank goodness that phase passed quickly – and pulling hair.  But, to be honest, listening to them verbally berate one another with things like, “You’re a popsicle head!” and the retort of, “Oh yea, we’ll I’ll just melt on you!” is flipping hysterical.

Plus, my kids needs to learn how to solve their own battles.  So letting them deal with it every once in a while it just good for them.  Right?

I will NEVER let them eat processed foods!

Do I really even have to explain how completely ridiculous this one is?  Though I keep it to a minimum, driving home from an evening event or late afternoon tumbling class and then coming home and cooking for three little girls from scratch who are hungry and tired is not my idea of fun.  So, a stop at the local fast food place is on the agenda!

Add to that rushed lunches, breakfasts and snacks and frozen waffles and chicken nuggets have become a staple.  I am all good with super healthy, good meals most of the time.  But let’s get real.  I am no super mom.  And processed foods are just in their diet sometimes.  I admit it!

My children will learn to clean their rooms and keep them clean!

If there is any battle I fight all day long, it is the cleaning battle.  Cups are left on tables, clothes strewn about in their 50 outfit changes a day, and toys are hazards within an hour of them waking up.  And Mama gets SO tired of cleaning up after them!

But the reality is that three kids are not going to stop and pick up every little thing all the time.  I have solved the laundry issue with this awesome 3 section hamper!  My girls each have a section and they love to throw their clothes in.  I keep it in their sleeping room and when it gets half full, I roll it to the laundry room and wash everything.  And now, since I am not picking up all the time, we are working on them putting their clothes away!

 3 section hamper

But the battle continues with toothpaste in the sink, beds being made and toys being haphazardly thrown about for mommy to step on.   So I do most of it still and have given up the constant battle to have them do everything to clean.  I guess as they age, I’ll add an extra chore a year.   Until then, I will pray the Lord brings me a housekeeper!

I will NEVER let other people tell me how to raise my kids!

Well this is just stupid, let’s be honest.  Some of the best advice I have gotten is from other people telling me exactly how to raise my kids.  You think I got the hamper idea all by my lonesome?  No – my neighbor told me about it!

Not only do I alertly listen when someone has an idea, I seek it out!  PLEASE tell me how to get them to brush their teeth longer!  PLEASE tell me how to get them to listen to me when they are all in the throws of playing and act like I don’t exist!  PLEASE tell me how to get my little one to stop screaming “MOOOOOOOM” across the house!

I am ALL ears!  I, honestly, can not parent alone so any and all advice is totally taken!

There are more, I am sure and as the girls grow and I evolve, my ‘I never’s!’ will evolve with them.  Some I will fight more than others, but they are bound to change.  Because no matter what I think I can control and promise, motherhood is unpredictable.  And the only way to deal with that is to be flexible.  At least on most things!

There is one constant, though…  and it it will never change…  

I will NEVER Stop trying to be a better mother!

Find more Motherhood Posts at My Recent Writings

 

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Do You Know How to Read This Blog? Learn the Tricks

April 9, 2013 By 2 Comments

Lately I have had some emails from people who are having a hard time finding things on ADayinMotherhood.com.  So I thought I would break it down so that you can get the most bang for your reading happiness here!

COMMENTING

Comments make a blog go round.  I read and respond to every single one and it is how I get to know my readers, what you like and what you don’t.  Without comments, I am lost in the land of posting oblivion with no direction!  Nobody wants that.  Any comment that is not defaming, mean, horrid, full of bad language, etc. is welcome!

How to comment:

Under every blog post title is the person who wrote the post, the date and the comment section.  Simply Click Comments and you will be taken to the comment section!

we had an intruder

 

When you click this link, the comment form will appear!

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Just enter your comment.  There may be a box that pops up that asks for your name and email and website, if you have one.  Just fill it out.  Eventually you won’t have to do this.  But it let’s me know how to contact you if I need to!

Any post that comes up is open to comments!  Let me know you like a Recent Motherhood Post, Freebies, Giveaway or other post that is presented!  I would love to get to know you and comments help me do that!

READING THIS BLOG

There are a lot of things going on daily on this blog.  Between me, the author and owner, Lori Pace, my Virtual Assistant, Beth M and my 4 real mom reviewers, posts are at lightening speed most days.  We post new things anywhere from 3 – 10 times a day!  That is a lot of things that you might be interested in that you might miss!

So, here are the basics:

SEARCH

On my left sidebar are ads, groups I belong to and Giveaways that are live and accepting entries.  Between my top two ads is the SEARCH box.  Simply enter whatever you are looking for and hit Submit.  If there is anything in my over 3500 posts, you will find it that way!

search

Pretty Simple, right?

Now, to find all of the content you want, whether it be my Travels (Movie premiers, etc),  you can use the Menu Bar at the top under my header!

header

Many of my Menu Options have drop down menus as well.  Inside each drop down you can find posts that match that category!  So on my Giveaways Tab you can find my current Twitter Parties, Sweepstakes and more!

Just scroll over the Menu Title and the options will appear!

Another way to find fun content that is in line with what you are searching for is to click the TAGS at the end of each post!

tags

 

I try to make it as easy as possible for you to find what you need!

GIVEAWAYS

Many people get overwhelmed by giveaways.  I use several tools to run my giveaways and try to keep up with the easiest, fastest ways for you to enter them.  Finding them is easy.  You can go to the Giveaways tab on the menu bar, search the term Giveaway on my left sidebar or click the live ones on my left sidebar about half way down the page.

give

Once you click on a link, the giveaway will appear!  Just read the awesome review that is unique to my – or my mom reviewers opinion – and then enter.  Almost all of my Giveaways require a comment for entry and you can see how to do that above!  Otherwise, click away and enjoy!  My admin, Beth, draws and notifies winners and all winners have 48 hours to respond.  So use an email you check so that you don’t miss out on your win!

A lot of people say they don’t enter giveaways because they never win.  I can tell you that we use Random.org exclusively and I have had MANY repeat winners!  But you can’t win if you don’t enter!

SHARING THE LOVE

If comments are the cupcakes of this blog, sharing is the icing.  And most of us know, the thicker the icing, the better the cupcake!  The way I get freebies, giveaways, told about special events, deals and products is by companies seeing my blog out there in the Social Media atmosphere.  I can not promote everywhere so I ask for your valuable time – it is only a click! – to help me get more opportunities to bring to you!

share

If you like or appreciate something I have done, please share it!  Every post has multiple sharing buttons for Facebook, Twitter, Stumbled Upon and more!  Just hover over it and Click!

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Sharing takes just a moment but my appreciation for your doing it is never ending!!

FINDING ME ONLINE

I get so many emails with readers saying they missed an opportunity because they did not see it on the blog!  I tell them to please Follow me on some or all of the Social Media Channels!  In my header are links to every thing - Including my DAILY EMAIL - that you will see me at any given time of any day!

follow

I am always looking at ways to tell people about awesome stuff I find and by following me on Twitter, Liking me on Facebook, following my boards on Pinterest and so on, you can see what’s coming to you from me!  Miss less and talk to me too!  I LOVE people and chatting with you, literally, makes my day!

CONTACT ME & LEARN ABOUT ME and MY PR JOB TOO

If you want to talk to me, I want to talk to you.  Whether you are a reader that wants to tell me you want to see more Motherhood posts or a company trying to get your high quality product out to my readers, or someone who needs a host for a Twitter/ Facebook/ Pinterest party or to run your Social Media campaign, I am always here!  ALWAYS!  Ask my mom… she says I need therapy!

You can contact me on any of my Social Media channels or through my CONTACT ME form atop my blog!  There is also a nice little photo of my on my sidebar that you can click to contact me as well!

contactme

THANK YOU

I think that about covers it!  I am always here for questions, to read your comments and suggestions and more.  Just let me know what you like, don’t like or want to see more or less of!  I am all ears!

YOU are the reason I love to do what I do and your unwavering support is invaluable!  THANK YOU for taking time out of your day to visit my life and this site!

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Dating as a Single Mom: Is it Even Possible?

April 1, 2013 By 3 Comments

April 11, 2013 marks the official end of my legal marriage.  Over years ago and thrilled that I can honestly say I am FINALLY divorced – seriously, I am throwing a party (is that bad?) – I am facing a new challenge.  One that I am unfamiliar with and don’t quite know how to handle.

Dating.  As a single mom.  With 3 kids.  That live with me.

Hmmm….

Now, to be honest, I have ZERO desire for a complicated, meet my kids, come to birthday parties type of relationship.  I don’t want another husband in this lifetime and my kids already have a dad.  Plus, I have seen my kids go through the stress of watching their dad move out and almost immediately move in with someone else.  I am not going to add to that stress – no matter how much I think I want to have a friend in my life.

dating

But, let’s face it, I am not an ‘alone’ type of girl.  I like to go out, have fun, try new things, meet new people and I want to get back into traveling if I can.  And though my girlfriends are AWESOME and important, they also have families and things to do and are not available when I am all the time.

Plus, it would be nice to have a gentleman that can hold a conversation and be available for nice dinners and movies and all of that ‘dating’ stuff.  I know, I know….  can’t I pretend I can have it all?

So here is the dilemma.  If memory serves me correctly, my previous marriage dating experience proved that  I am really really bad at it.  So I already have a strike against me.  I am an over sharer by nature (hence my life chronicled to perfect online strangers on a daily basis!), and I tend to say really stupid things that turn men off.  So, I am a little shell shocked to begin with.

Add to that the fact that I can literally only ‘date’ every other weekend and maybe some time during the summer and I think I am facing a serious uphill battle!  How in the world does anyone do this?

And where, pray tell, am I even supposed to meet anyone to date?  I am not a ‘bar’ type of girl and rarely drink anymore and – let’s face it, no matter what skin care I use – I am so not 21!  I suppose I can go online but I have talked to people about that and it just seems S C A R Y!

I can go to single functions at my Church – if there were any singles in my family oriented, retiree based Church – and I guess I could head to bars at nice restaurants on my days alone .  I can be that weirdo drinking an Iced Tea and texting my friends that everyone is married with a child in their lap at my suburban themes restaurants around me.  Or I can just hope that some attractive guy walks up to my door and proposes and non serious, fun loving, dating relationship that only happens twice a month.

Hmmm… seems like the probabilities are against me, huh?

Which really – to be totally honest – is OK with me!

But, I ask, to be totally informed…. Is it even remotely possible that I be able to find someone to date, share great foods with, travel occasionally and laugh with with no intention of it ever becoming  a marriage situation?  Does that even exist?

Or should I start collecting cats and learning how to accept that single moms are just that until the kids are off to college?

Find more Motherhood Posts at My Recent Writings

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We Had an INTRUDER Last Night!

March 26, 2013 By 23 Comments

My dog, Bud, is 10.  He is fierce and protective and all about making sure the girls and I are OK.  He rotates who he sleeps with to make us feel safe and he even sleeps outside some nights when he is especially concerned.

Last night, after my girls drifted off into peaceful slumber and I closed my computer for the night, Bud and I curled up in bed and attempted to go to sleep.  I kept hearing noises in the house and got up to check a few times but all was well.  It was kind of windy so I attributed it to that.

Intruder

I finally fell asleep around midnight, I suppose, and tried to get my beauty sleep.

At 2:30 am, I was awoken with the crazy, something is right in front of me that should not be, wild barking of my Bud.  I mean, crazy, loud, insane barking.  So much so that he woke my 6 year old sleeping clear on the other side of the house.

I jumped out of bed to go see who I was going to have to kill for trespassing on my property.  Whomever it was was pinned up against the wall on the back porch and Bud had them cornered.  They were not moving!

I tried to peek out of my blinds and dial 911 all at once.  I could not see much but I could see that, whatever it was, it was either really short or crouching down.

I climbed up on my kitchen counter in an attempt to get a better view.  Meanwhile, my little dog is still going absolutely crazy, nuts.  I could not see much but I could ascertain that it was not a person.  Unless it was the skinniest person on the planet.

Concluding that this was a poor animal that had wondered onto our back porch, I started to yell at Bud to be quiet and come in the house.  He ignored me and continued his aggravating,  piercing evil bark.

I decided to get him in – quick-  before the neighbors shot him to shut him up.  I mean, they wouldn’t, but he was getting all of the neighborhood dogs up in arms.  The barking concert had to have woken up everyone.

I hopped off the counter and headed the fridge to get his favorite treats – hot dogs and cheese.  I tore them into pieces and threw the out the doggy door to try to get him in.  After a few dogs were out, he started to calm and the barking stopped.  But he was still not coming in or letting the poor creature go.

So, I pulled out the big guns… sausage.  Yes, leftovers from dinner were placed ever so strategically from right outside the dog door to inside.  I ducked behind my chair and when his little nose followed the enticing scent, I grabbed his collar and yanked him inside.

I then locked his whining self in my room and went out to see what poor creature was pinned against the wall of my house.

See scary, horrid, going to kill us all, creature that warranted one whole hour of insane barking below:

Intruder

 Maybe it is time I have his eyes checked.

Find more Motherhood Posts at My Recent Writings

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Mom vs Dad: Who Has the Hardest Parenting Job?

March 21, 2013 By 3 Comments

The other day I was talking to a couple I know in the neighborhood.  Both parents work and they have three kids.  Interestingly enough, the conversation led into who had the harder parenting job… the mom or the dad.

Now, from my perspective, moms have it harder – I might be biased.

OK, OK – so really I think is is equal.  But they debated back and forth telling each other that the other had the hardest job.  Yes, they were not trying to take credit but push it off on the other one.  They are happily married!  LOL

Family Picture

Anyway – so the healthy debate began.

Who does have the hardest parenting job?  Is it the stay at home mom?  The working dad?  The working single mom?  The stay at home dad?  The divorced dad who only sees his kids when the courts say it’s OK?

My personal opinion is that no parent has it easy.  No matter how you slice it.  And I think it is a sliding scale, as well.

For instance, I am now a single mom who works from home.  On this blog so please don’t stop reading…  ;)

I don’t think my ‘parenting’ job isn’t really all that hard.  I have three girls 6 and under and I truly get up in the morning – and this is a feat because I am sooo not a morning person until my coffee turns me into one  - so happy and grateful to have my kids and be able to wake up with them next to me.

Sure, there are tough times – aka bedtime – but in general I am a better parent not having to fight with another person on what to do and how to do it.  I know a two parent household is probably the best for children.  But, honestly, they seem so much happier and comfortable with rules and the way things go now that there is not so much tension and fighting in the house.

However, money, stress, loneliness and the inability to really KNOW that I am making the right decisions for my kids keeps me up at night.  The unknown scares me to pieces - how do I get 3 kids out if the house catches fire? – and makes me wonder if I have what it takes to be both of the parents that they need.  So, truly, that is very, very hard on me.

But, on the flip side – and please don’t take this as me feeling sorry for my ex, I SO don’t and will explain why later – it has to be excruciatingly painful to only see your kids every other weekend and a few hours during the week.   I know my ex loves our kids and he is a good dad but I know it kills him to give them back to me and know he won’t see them for a few weeks.

On the parenting side, it has to be hard to have to teach and discipline and make rules when you only have them part time like that.   And when he has them when he is working, he has to work around that schedule.  So, I wonder if, really, he has it harder as a parent now.

Now, speaking from past experience, my memory of being a working mother and having a marriage and a child was extremely hard too.  Having to take my little baby to someone to watch all day while I went to a stressful job an hour away and worried about her killed me!   And only having an hour or so to play with her at night after getting dinner, bathing and readying her for bed brought tears to my eyes almost every night.

The weekends were too short, the holidays a tease.  So, I often wonder if I had stayed working out of the home, if I would have the hardest job.  Especially if I were still married.  When do you find time for your spouse,  much less yourself?

And then there is the working dad.  Do we ever really know, as women, the stress that a man is under to provide for his family day in and day out?  Can we understand the levels of pressure on him to be Mr. Professional at work, Mr. Fix It at home and Mr. Sensitive and Sexy to their wives at night?   Add to that daddy duty, being second guessed all the time by mommy and the need to protect his family, and he might actually have the hardest job.

And I compare the stay at home dad to the stay at home mom except that he has the additional stigma of being a stay at home dad and not being out earning an income for the family.  What an incredibly hit that must be for his self esteem.  I suppose it could be compared to the stay at home mom who gets grief for not getting a job out of the home when money gets tight.

With so many variables, so many types of families, so many life situations that are only understood by the people living them, can we ever really define who has the hardest job?

I would argue that people adapt and that the situation we are all in is the one we are most comfortable with and can handle.  Maybe the transition is hard – it was for me – but the end result is exactly what it is supposed to be.

And, really, I think adding parenting to any type of life is HARD.  No matter who you are, what you do or where you live. Parenting is the single hardest thing to do on this planet – my professional opinion, of course.

And no matter the situation, every single one should get a rousing cheer and high five every single day that they do it!

Find more Motherhood Posts at My Recent Writings

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‘The Best Mom in the World’

March 6, 2013 By 1 Comment

My kids tell me I’m the best mom in the world.  And every time I hear it, I am overwhelmed with joy that they feel that way.

And then I feel bad.  Because I know that sometimes I am not.

Sometimes I am too busy to stop everything and read countless books, them curled in my lap, sweet heads resting on my chest, pages flipping as I snuggle and try to get all three within my arm span.

Sometimes I don’t feel like it when I have picked up a room for the fiftieth time only to have them converge on it and restore it to the cluttered mess it was before.  I am impatient, frustrated and harsh.

Sometimes I don’t feel like it when I have to put their crying eyes in a corner, take away a toy or scold them for talking back.  When discipline takes the place of a hug.

Sometimes I don’t feel like the best mom in the world when a phone call comes in that I have to take, a deadline looms near or the dishes have to be done and they just want me to come push them on the swing.

Sometimes I don’t feel like it when they talk about daddy’s girlfriend and how pretty she is and how much fun they have with her.

And sometimes I have to stop.  I have to realize that God gave me these children to love, teach, discipline, nurture and grow with for the rest of our lives.  And no matter how many time out’s, how many toys are taken away, how many sharp words and how many people that they meet and love….  I will always be their mother.

I will always love them.  Put them first.  Think of them above myself.  Adore them above all but God.

And then I will realize that maybe…. just maybe… to them, I AM the best mom in the world. No matter what.  No matter when.  No matter who.

Because, really, if it were not for them…

I would not be a mom at all.

And being their mom is the best feeling in the World.

Find more Motherhood Posts at My Recent Writings

 

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A Hope To Dream: Help Ashley Furniture Homestores Give Beds to Kids Who Need Them

February 28, 2013 By 1 Comment

Ashley Furniture

What an amazing opportunity Ashley Furniture Homestore is providing to the children to help ensure a good night of sleep! As a parent, we all know that when our child does not sleep well it makes for an exhausting day for them when they wake up. If they are in school, their grades may decline, they may not eat well, and chronic fatigue can make anyone succumb to ill-health.

Ashley Furniture Homestore’s project A Hope To Dream will be providing twin mattresses, steel risers, comforters, pillows, sheets and more to underprivileged HOUSTON area children between the ages of 3-16 throughout the week of March 11th.

For the readers that are not in the Houston area, ADayinMotherhood.com encourages you to check Ashley Furniture Homestore online to find out if it is available in your area. You can find the Ashley Furniture Homestores participating in A Hope to Dream project listed at the bottom of their website.

Ashley Furniture

There is an application process to nominate any child that does not have appropriate bedding to ensure a healthy night of sleep. You can fill out the application online and submit or even drop them at any participating Ashley Furniture Homestore.  Ashley Furniture Homestore recognizes that families may have more than one child in need, they offer this opportunity for each child in the family who needs a better place to lay their head at night.

This initiative by Ashley Furniture Homestore is such an honorable program. ADayinMotherhood.com is delighted to provide you with the information you need to nominate a worthy child. It is our hope that every child can have a safer and more comfortable night of sleep with the A HOPE TO DREAM program.

This program is continuous and an application can be submitted at any time. Deliveries are usually done quarterly.
**Images borrowed from Ashley Furniture Homestore with permission**

Information Posted as a courtesy.

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A Single Mom, Three Kids & A Blog: Struggling to Balance it All

February 28, 2013 By 4 Comments

Back in October 2012, I met the most amazing woman on a Cruise on the Disney Magic.  Placed at the same table as we were both moms with children there on our own, we struck up a bond and a friendship that I cherish to this day.  Diana with Hormonal-Imbalances.com is a woman that deserves respect, love and admiration.  We should all be so lucky to know her.  Having lost twin boys just a short time before the cruise at the  20th week of her pregnancy, she had just been told that an adoption she thought was going through had stalled as well.  But as she sat with her  beautiful daughter, patient, loving and beaming with the pride of motherhood, you would not have been able to tell the trauma she had been through.  A blessed pregnancy followed the cruise and, though feeling ill, she is doing well with it and will have a second child this year.  She asked that I write a guest post for her blog based on discussions we had on the cruise and I was honored.  So here is it.  My guest post on Hormonal-Imbalances.com.  Diana’s amazing blog!

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I think that, as moms, we all want to do our absolute best at one thing: being a mom.  At least I do.  I want to be patient, attentive, creative, loving and amazing.  And I think I was… for the first few months of all of their lives.

And then life stepped in.  Three children in three years, a stressful move, the depression of money issues and finally, the divorce that was put into place that, truly, had been coming since the beginning.

And my perfectly imagined motherhood suddenly seemed unattainable.   I had other things to think about in order to take care of these children.  Bills to pay, a house to clean, homework to help with and the emotional stress of a bad marriage that they witnessed and the ugly divorce that followed.

I will say, my soon to be ex has been gone for about 7 months now and it has been both freeing and scary as all get out at the same time.  Once I picked myself up by my bootstraps and wrapped my head around the reality of the situation, I had to get serious really fast about not only my future, but the future of my three little girls too.

To my complete amazement, I seem to be doing OK with it all.  But I could not tell you how, to be honest.  I guess my lessons from childhood to let the past be the past and look to the future are paying off.  And to take it one task at a time, marking them off as done.

But I do get questions from moms – single and happily married – as to how I do it.  How do I mange three little ones six and under, a house that is 30 years old and always in need of repair and cleaning, and a blog that supports us all and could, literally, consume 23 hours out of the day if I could let it.

The answer is, I don’t do any of it well.  I am not going to lie to you.  But I do my absolute best and pray it is good enough in the categories that matter. I love my children with every ounce of my being.  Every cell, every heartbeat, every breath is better because of these three little girls.  I can not imagine my life without them.  As I navigate through my days, I always have them and their best interest in my heart.  I don’t think any mother in the world would not be able to relate to that.

In that light, my work had to be a priority as well.  It is what feeds my kids, keeps them clothed and gives us the ability to pay for the roof we live under.  So I have to work.  The issue here is guilt.  I feel very, very guilty when my kids want attention and I have to meet a deadline.  Because I am in the house working, I am – clearly – at their beck and call.  But sometimes, I have to work and I can’t just reserve it for before they wake up and after they go to bed.  I am already up at 6am and don’t go to bed before midnight.  Seven days a week.

It is a little different than if I left every day and went to an office and they went to school and daycare.  I do not ‘disappear’ for the day and come back in the evening to give them 100% of my attention until the next day.  And my job is not 8 – 5.  It is 24 hours a day and I, often, have to stop and reply to something or accept something or fix something right then and there.  My kids are sort of used to it.  But on the days when I have so much to do, I feel the guilt pouring out of me and crushing my dreams of being the most attentive mom I can be.

So my solution to still give myself some time and energy for my children and my work was to not be so crazy about my house.  Now, if you ask my ex, I stopped being crazy about the house when I started the blog.  But that is not actually the truth.  In fact, I had so much energy when he finally left that I used to spit shine the floors!  So I got used to having a nice, clean house.  The problem was, when I came off that high and the low hit, I stayed in bed a lot.  I let the house go, started missing deadlines and the quality time I spent with my kids was watching movies.

They did not complain, but that is not the kind of mom I wanted to be.

So when I came out of the fog, I prioritized.  Kids first  -always – work second and the house… well, it might come in 5th behind showering and actually wanting to clean the house.  Laundry is twelfth but I think it is in any household no matter what the structure.  Who invented laundry anyway?  They did not think it through well enough.

I don’t have a perfect solution  to balancing it all.  I don’t even have an inkling of a clue how to do it right.  But, truth be told, I don’t know if anyone knows how to do it all right.  And whether you have one child or five, are single or married, are a Type A or a little more on the laid back side, parenthood mixed with anything will leave you feeling like you have not done enough.

We all struggle to be better, more patient, more attentive,  more honest, more predictable.  More like we all think motherhood should be.  But the reality is, if it were that way, it would never be near as fun or rewarding.

Nor would it be life.

Find more Motherhood Posts at My Recent Writings

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How to Lose a Child in a Store and Handle it Badly

February 26, 2013 By 21 Comments

We go through 4 to 6 gallons of milk a week in this house.  No, I am not lying.  We just do.  I’ve accepted it and am appropriately docking college funds to compensate.  So to say we have to hit the store more than once a week is almost redundant.  But we do.

I try to plan ahead, buying 4 gallons at a time.  But sometimes – usually right at bedtime when all three are screaming for some milk and I am at my wit’s end – I open the fridge where I attempt to stock up and it is bare.  Bare like my patience in bundling up three kids and taking them to the store up the street to get some milk.

But, just like the other night, I do it.  My theory is that heading to the store is easier than dealing with the extra hour of asking for some milk.

Even though the kids were already in their jammies, I changed them, loaded them in the car and drove the mile or so to the dollar store right outside of our neighborhood.  We got there and the parking lot was fairly empty – because everyone else had milk and was happily enjoying an hour before bed of peace and quiet as their milk bellied kids slept – so I predicted this to be a fairly easy in and out trip.

Predictions with three kids.

Just.plain.stupid.

Since I was grabbing one gallon I bypassed the carts that normally serve as buggies for at least one of my kids.  Carts make life easier with three little kids.  As you will learn.

We got the milk and headed to the register.  I ignored calls for chips and candy and expired Valentine’s treats and started to check out.

Now, as we moms know, you kind of always have an eye on your children when you are out somewhere.  And when you have more than one and they are small and easily lost, you look up at every chance and do a head count.  Which I did… multiple time… always landing on three little heads.

Until after counting out the cash for the milk, I only counted two little heads.

Where was my little one?  She was just RIGHT HERE?

I looked up the candy aisle behind me.  No Megan.

I looked behind the table with with the sale items.  No 3 year old.

I asked here sister’s where she was hoping sisterly radars would point me that way.  No clue, they said.

Panic started to seep in.  She was right here just two seconds before, where could she be?

I called her name, the cashier joined in and even the man stocking the shelves looked up in alarm.

She, literally, had vanished!

I ran to the front of the store, opened the door and screamed her name out into the desolate parking lot.  Not there.

I ran up and down the aisles, directing my other 2 kids to stay with the perplexed cashier.  As I ran I imagined the lights and sirens of the police I was about to call. I imagined her beautiful little face and soft ringlets flashing across television screens as Amber Alerts were issued.  And I imagined her scared and lost and not knowing how to get back to mommy.

Deep in the throws of a mother’s worst nightmare, and seemingly an hour later, the woman stocking the shelves in the back of the store yelled that she was HERE!  Following her pointed finger down, I see my little three year old, clutching her bedtime teddy bear, with a huge grin on her face, clearly thrilled that she had tricked mommy.

My fear tuned to anger for a moment and as I approached her I said, more sternly than I should have, ‘This is not funny, little girl.  You don’t ever run from mommy in a store!  Do you understand me?”

And she started to cry.  Which I understood.  I wanted to too.

In hindsight, my instant scolding was a bad move.  I should have swooped up my little child and hugged her and thanked God above that she was playing a game and not actually in a stranger’s car being taken from me forever.  But I was mad.  And emotional.  And scared.

And so I handled it badly.

I don’t know if my scolding will prevent her from running away in a store again.  I have decided carts are the only way to prevent this from happening any time soon.  But I know that I never want to experience that fear again.  So as we go about our daily tasks I remind my kids constantly to stay with mommy no matter what.  And I hope that next time I remember to be glad first and angry later.

Find more Motherhood Posts at My Recent Writings

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A Six Hour Wait for a Bandage? Is This the State of American Healthcare Today?

February 5, 2013 By 9 Comments

I will admit, I have actually had to calm down before writing this post.  The event happened 24 hours ago and I am still reeling with the actual events that took place.  But, instead of writing in a ranting, irrational tone, I decided to drink some chocolate milk and calm down.

I think I am ready now.  Thank you for your patience.

Last night as I was slicing sausage to cook up for my girls, the oldest and the little one were playing school in the library and my middle daughter was asking me a million questions.  This is the usual state of the house in the evening and I love this time of day.  Sarah casually walked over to my desk and picked up a ruler I had borrowed from my neighbor.  I did not think much of it and went about my business with dinner and answering her questions.

Next thing I know, I hear the ruler drop and Sarah is holding her hand and blood is pooling at her feet.  And I am not exaggerating… literally pooling.  I looked down – and it still gives me the heebie jeebies to even type this – and see that the ruler had a metal strip and she clearly cut herself with it as it was now hanging awkwardly off the side of the ruler.

My hysterical mother started to emerge as I saw my 5 year old with blood dripping down her little hand and arm to the floor, splattering as each drop hit the pool collecting.  Buy my ‘I am who she needs to be calm, Mom‘ took over as I hurriedly walked to her and picked her up.  I wrapped a towel around it and the towel was soaked in a matter of seconds, it seemed.  I moved to paper towels trying to calm a scared child and as they were soaked one after another, I decided to call my neighbor.

She came over and, after about 10 minutes, we decided that we could not get the bleeding to slow no matter how much pressure we applied so a trip to the Pediatric Urgent Care Center was needed.  She – God Bless her – gathered my other two girls to go to her house and Sarah and I and a roll of paper towels headed to the Doctor.

Sarah was a trooper and held a paper towel to her finger the whole drive.  When we got there they saw us in about 30 minutes.  The wound was still bleeding profusely when we saw the Nurse and she said she thought it needed stitches but would need the Doctor to see.   The Doctor came in, took the towel off, noted the large amount of blood still and said that I needed to take her to the Pediatric ER – 45 minutes away – because the wound was extremely deep and she needed to be sedated and have stitches.  He did not clean it or anything else.  Just looked at it.  He said they did not have the ability to sedate her there.

So my brave little 5 year old, a fresh bandage that was already bleeding through before we got to the car, and my ex coming from the other direction to meet us at the ER, headed to get her some stitches.

We enter the VERY BUSY Pediatric ER and checked in.  They saw us in the Triage area in less than 30 minutes and the Nurse did not even take off the bandage.  She said that if a Doctor said she needed stitches, she did.

And then it began.  The long, irritating, changed her blood soaked gauze at least once, watched children sick with the sniffles, vomiting on the floor, babies coming up to us and sneezing on Sarah while the mom played on the cell phone, two and a half hour wait for the sole purpose to have stitches put in my daughter’s cut.

Two.and.a.half.hours.

We were FINALLY called back to the ER and put in a room at 10:20pm.  Mind you, this incident was at 5:15pm.  Sarah was not scared, was laughing and playing and I started to doubt that her injury even needed all of this.

But there we sat.  In the room waiting on the Nurse and the Doctor to sew up her little finger,.

For an hour.

As I started to get irritated, feeling like a caged animal in a room, Sarah was hysterical with exhaustion and exhibited it in play.  The ex went out to the front desk, asked them how much longer, I tickled and played with Sarah and glared out the little rectangular window to the Nurse’s station.  I knew it was not their fault.  I was just seriously sick of waiting.

Finally, right before I grabbed my child and went home, the Doctor came in.  I told him the story and he said he would decided on his own if she needed stitches.

He took the gauze off, saw that it had, in fact, finally stopped bleeding, held brave little Sarah’s finger under the water and declared, “Well that is really shallow!”

Excuse me?

She just needs a little ointment and a really good bandage so she does not bump it but she does not even close to need stitches.

Um…. I’m sorry?  Could you repeat that?

He went on to tell a story about a cut he had on his finger that took 6 hours to stop bleeding and his story took longer than it was to bandage up Sarah’s finger.

I.AM.LIVID!

Not that I wanted my poor little one to have to endure stitches, nor did I want to really deal with them, but couln’t the Pediatric Urgent Care Center wash the wound and ascertain that it was shallow and was just bleeding like mad?

As we walked out the Nurse handed the ex the left over ointment and said, “You paid for it you might as well take it!”

I felt my blood boil.  Because, I bet -and I will share it when I get it – that I get a MONSTER bill for this ‘shallow cut’.  If it is under $500 for a bandage, I will be shocked.

As I drove home, finally letting my daughter have a happy meal since she did not eat dinner and could not eat at all since they were going to sedate her, I got angrier and angrier.  I put my daughter through a night of craziness, my neighbor through the stress of dropping her family to take care of my other two daughters and my ex the pain of having to sit next to me for 4 hours when he clearly did not want to be there.  And for that, I will get billed for a bandage, ointment and the world’s most expensive ‘finger abrasion’.

Is this the state of our healthcare now?  Pass the buck, collect the money and apologize never?  If it is, I will happily decide the next time to spend that 6 hours of my daughter’s injuries in my kitchen – waiting for them to stop bleeding.

Find more Motherhood Posts at My Recent Writings

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